Tag Archives: Breastfeeding

How Harley has changed in three months

Today Harley turns three months old. It’s still a bit odd because I always have to adjust her age – she’s three months old, but considering how early she came, she should only be about a month old. That said, there are only really a couple milestones that are a bit delayed for my little preemie princess – otherwise, she is already on track for her actual age.

In only three months, my little girl has gone from a mere shadow of a baby to a real tiny human. She is growing so much every day, and I’m amazed at her development. Much like my own changes in the past three months, time has taken on a strange shape – it feels like both a long time and an instant. I can only imagine how another month or three or nine will change her even more. Continue Reading

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Babies: the real ball and chain

I adore my husband. I often say that he’s the only person I can be with every day and never get sick of his face – I suppose that’s important considering we’ve agreed to spend the rest of our lives together. We never refer to each other as “the old ball and chain”, in part because it’s rude, but also because it’s not true. We give each other plenty of space, spend time in the day apart, and never restrict each other’s activities. So no, my husband isn’t a ball and chain… but my baby sorta is.

The ball and chain was originally a physical restraint, but the idiom evolved into a burden or restraint in the form of a wife or job – something you can’t get away from. As I type this, I am holding Harley. She prefers to be held for hours every day, and in the past week I’ve probably spent about an hour apart from her. In total. And there’s no chance I can get early parole for good behavior. Continue Reading

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How I started to fall in love with my baby

skull bib

About three weeks ago, I wrote a rather miserable post. I was tired, frustrated and totally befuddled by Harley. She would cry and I would panic – what was I supposed to do to fix it? I only really liked her when she slept, and I felt like a horrible mother for it. I started by forgiving myself and accepting that a mother’s love didn’t have to be the typical image we see of it, but just that I kept trying to help her, even when I was clueless. But things really started to get easier when Harley started breastfeeding once she hit her due date; the power of nursing can’t be stressed enough for me. It makes me feel close to her, and gives me more agency because I feel there is something I can physically do to stop her crying, more than just shoving a bottle in her mouth.

But while things were improving, the process of falling in love with her was also moving along. Our massage class helped so much, and continues to help. It’s so great learning new things that I can do with her. I had planned on reading to her, playing games and other activities as she got older, but when she’s just a blob it felt like I couldn’t really do much with her. Now, we play with massages, physical games, songs, and tummy time. I can’t believe the surge of pride I feel when I see how strong she is, how I keep telling anyone who will listen that she’s going to be a genius. Slowly, I’ve realized that I’m growing to love her. Continue Reading

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Due date and on the boob

Yesterday was Harley’s original due date. Having had her around already for eight weeks, three of which at home, it’s hard to think that all this time she was still meant to be growing inside me. She is still tiny, but has grown so much already. She is actually like a “normal” newborn now, and is acting like it more and more. Sure, she still has her issues, but she doesn’t seem nearly as tiny and difficult as she was.

Or maybe I just feel that way because she has finally started breast feeding consistently. All weekend, I could just pop her on the boob instead of needing to pump and then give her a bottle. Okay, “pop her on the boob” might sound easier than it actually was – she still cries and struggles when hungry, needing to first be consoled before I can convince her that latching on a nipple is her best life choice – but it’s made life way easier. Plus, it’s had a bonding side effect. Continue Reading

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