Tag Archives: parenting style

Is bullying ever okay?

Bullying is awful and a big deal. I don’t envy kids today – thanks to social media, school bullying doesn’t end with the last bell and can cause serious psychological scars. But it’s not just kids who get bullied. There’s that woman who accidentally shared a picture intended for her husband with a whole Whatsapp group, who is being shamed by almost all of South Africa through the continual sharing of her picture. Or the parents of the kid who fell in with Harambe, who were blamed and accused of being bad parents. Or anyone who is shamed in shopping centers for breastfeeding, or for having a toddler throw a tantrum, or for going back to work, or for not going back to work… the list goes on and on.

I often write about feeling judged, about my continual affirmation that no one can tell me how to raise my kid. I’ve talked about not apologizing when Harley cries, or about how I know what’s best for my little one and how irritated I get when other people tell me that she must be cold or need to eat differently. I am adamant that every baby is different and that I don’t care what people do – if they want to use disposable or cloth nappies, if they opt for breast or bottle, if they stay home or work, if kids are put in creche/day care or stay home with a nanny or au pair. Everyone needs to make life work for them, and who am I to judge anyone for any of those decisions? So I’ve been a bit taken aback by a new instinct I’ve had. Continue Reading

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Why boredom is important for babies and children (and adults)

My mom and I still laugh at some bizarre stories from when I was a kid. Seemingly out of nowhere, I’d dress up in a silly outfit and come barging out of my room with the Chinese restaurant menu that was printed on a scroll singing “Bell horses!”. I remember doing it, I remember thinking it was such an obvious and fun thing to do. I don’t remember why I thought that. But somehow it was a way for me to entertain myself, to have fun and to play. I also remember reading, teaching a pretend class, building with LEGO, or my favorite for years – my parents would give me the big box when we’d get a major appliance and I would draw all over it with markers, climb inside with a flashlight and read or pretend I was in a cave or any other type of play. Considering all the research that keeps coming out, it’s one of the best things my mom did; she purposely left me and my brother unscheduled, allowing us to be bored.

Boredom is often the bane of parents’ existence. When kids are bored, they get into trouble, right? When kids are bored, they whine about it, and then you find them covered in paint or suspended between two pieces of furniture or whatever else. But it doesn’t have to be that way, and it doesn’t have to be a bad thing. And the same goes for adults, so we can all use this important reminder. Continue Reading

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4 Comments Parenting

Attachment parenting and the most important year

attachment parenting

I can’t stress enough how lucky I am. Sure, I have plenty of ups and downs and real life and troubles like everyone else, but I am incredibly lucky – I work from home. While it’s a lot of hard work, and I’ve struggled to find a balance at times, it has meant that I’ve been able to work and take care of Harley at the same time. She hasn’t needed a nanny or a creche; I have been her primary caretaker, her teacher, her entertainment, her jungle gym, her bed, her food source, so in a word – her mommy.

It hasn’t been easy, and I often felt like I was failing. Especially when Harley was even smaller than she is now, I wondered if it was enough to just hold her during the day while I worked, I would get frustrated when I didn’t know what was wrong or when I felt like I couldn’t help her. It’s gotten so much easier as she has gotten bigger and easier to understand, and a big part of that is because we both know that I can take care of her, even when I’m not totally sure how. But the more I read about attachment parenting, the more it sounds like what I’ve done with Harley naturally, and will continue to do cognizantly. Continue Reading

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9 Comments Parenting

Nothing is better than making my baby laugh

make my baby laugh

I love making people laugh. No, not enough to become a comic or something, and I no longer have dreams of pursuing a career in the performance arts. However, I love being able to crack people up, to make them smile, to make even the darkest and most horrible things that can happen in a life absolutely hilarious. I often say that Dean makes me laugh every day, and that’s why we work. But I have found my new favorite audience.

Sure, I love quick wit, and I adore truly intelligent comedy, but now I find myself not worrying about that. Instead, I will do absolutely anything to make my baby laugh. Her smiles are adorable, but her laughter is like crack – I need my fix! When she laughs, it’s as if everything is right in the world, and any sadness or frustration I might be feeling is utterly obliterated. Continue Reading

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1 Comment Breast feeding, Parenting, Rambling

Thumb sucking and other sources of comfort

Before Harley was born, people asked me if I would want her to use a dummy/pacifier or suck her thumb. I wasn’t too worried about it – I figured if she liked a dummy she could use that, if she liked her thumb she could suck that, and whatever happened happened. Then she ended up in the NICU and she had to use a dummy to improve her sucking reflex. That didn’t last long once she was out of there, but she didn’t seem to interested in sucking on anything other than boob, and even that was just for food and then she’d unlatch herself.

Lately, though, she’s been discovering that she can suck her thumb. She hasn’t quite picked a preferred hand, using whichever thumb happens to find it’s way into her mouth. It’s a noisy endeavor, too, as she talks and murmurs around her thumb while sucking, making bizarre sounds but seemingly having fun. I’m not sure if it just feels good while teething, or is generally nice for soothing herself, but I’m endlessly amused to watch her figure this out. Plus, I’m happy that she’s found a source of comfort for herself.  Continue Reading

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