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What are your non-negotiables?

non-negotiables

Most of life, and particularly parenting, feels like a negotiating process. We adjust the rules to fit our lives, allowing our kids to do some things that might have surprised an earlier version of ourselves. People who despise pacifiers grow to love them, and then hate them again. People who don’t believe in thumb sucking finally decide it’s not worth the fight and maybe just end up paying for braces down the line. I try to keep Harley from playing with pens or climbing on tables, but I’ve given up on trying to keep her from eating her food off the floor. Most everything is up for discussion or flexibility, but not quite everything. There are some things that simply aren’t up for debate, that aren’t negotiable, and I’m wondering what are your non-negotiables.

For me, it comes down to safety. I mean, life and death sorta safety. I think Mandy from Pregnant in Cape Town put it best when she wrote about carseats for the first time, saying is the alternative your child dying? If your kid wants to wear a weird outfit to school or eat breakfast for dinner, I doubt they will die from it. But failing to strap your munchkin into a carseat? It really is a matter of life and death, even in a low-speed collision. Scary, scary stuff. Continue Reading

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2 Comments Parenting

Is my baby a toddler?

is my baby a toddler

I’ve sort of gotten used to being a mom of a baby. I mean, as used to it as you can get – I’m tired a lot, and so much busier than I ever imagined, but I sort of have it figured out. But the rules are changing and I can feel it; Harley is growing up so fast, and as I watch her pull herself up to standing, I’ve been wondering… is my baby a toddler? Where do you draw that line?

From what I’ve read online, everyone has their own definition. Some people say that a baby becomes a toddler once they can walk. Others say it’s from when they are a year old. Others give you until the baby is 18 months. And while Harley will always be MY baby, I’m not too sure that she’s actually a baby anymore. I think she’s a toddler. Continue Reading

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7 Comments Rambling

Changing how I see myself, or at least trying

This past Saturday, Dean, Harley and I did a photo shoot. Dean had asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and I said that I wanted a family photoshoot. I know he hates when we take pictures, he hates that sort of public flaunting of our life, love, happiness. But, because he is always willing to do whatever it takes to make me happy, he said cool. I found an amazing photographer who not only has a great eye, but also was willing to do a shoot that was a bit different to what you see usually in family photoshoots. If you’re looking for an amazingly reasonably priced photographer who is also a lovely human, I can’t recommend Meg highly enough. Seriously – go check her out.

Anyway, I got the photos from her that evening (yes, her turn around time was incredible) and I adored them. But I also did the usual thing that I think all women (and plenty of men) do. I didn’t see the gorgeous smiles, the pure love and joy. No, I saw the shots where I had an extra chin, where I looked fat, where i didn’t like my teeth or my skin or whatever else. I was so negative, not about the photos, but about myself. But then I had a revelation and I am changing how I see myself. Continue Reading

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10 Comments Breast feeding, Parenting, Rambling

Motherhood has made me jealous, of time

jealous of time

Last night, Harley wouldn’t go to sleep. I blame myself – I broke her usual routine. We normally use bath time as a natural sedative. I take her for a bath, read her a book, give her boob and put her to bed, and it works like a charm. But I was an idiot last night. I was playing a fantastic game for review, and I just wanted to keep playing/working. Harley was happily playing on the floor with her toys, so I figured she’d play and tire herself out and still go to bed around her normal time. Well, at 10:30 when I was doing anything and everything to try and calm her down and get her to sleep, I realized I was an idiot. But in that exhausted haze, I experienced another feeling and it wasn’t pretty. I was jealous.

You see, while I was playing my game, I was also watching Harley play in the lounge while my husband chilled in the study, watching videos and playing games. It’s not to say he doesn’t help out – he kept an eye on Harley while I did dishes and started dinner, then swapped with me to finish dinner while I hung out with her. He is always fine to spend time with her so that I can take a shower or pop out to the store. But you see, the default is that I’m in charge of her. The default is that I will watch her while I’m watching TV or playing games or working or whatever else. If I ask him to watch her, he does and he’s great with her… until she crawls into the room I’m in saying “mamamamamamama”. Continue Reading

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9 Comments Marriage, Parenting, Rambling

How to throw a panda themed birthday party

How to throw a panda-themed birthday party

Harley turned one, which meant that it was up to me to organize her first birthday party. As she grows older, I’m sure she will be able to make her desired theme a bit clearer to me, but at this point I went with something I know she loves – Pandas. She adores Kung Fu Panda in all its forms – whether it’s the movie or that Netflix series, she is completely entranced by it. Also, she always enjoys when I read to her Neil Gaiman’s Chu’s Day, all about a Panda whose sneeze causes, um, pandemonium. So, I figured a panda-themed birthday party would be a good bet for her, and fairly easy for me to pull off.

To be clear, I knew that all those attending would be little people and their parents, so I wanted to keep it fairly low-key and relaxed as possible. I also decided that I wanted to do it at a venue, choosing a lovely restaurant that has a full kids’ play area complete with childminders, as well as nice food and great coffee for the parents. I will be telling all of you more about my favorite picks for restaurants that meet these criteria in the next few days/weeks. So, the food and location were sorted by the venue – easy parking, a variety of platters for kids and adults, as well as whatever drinks they had available. What fell to me? Making the panda theme a thing. Continue Reading

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2 Comments Parenting