Last night, Dean and I attended the premiere for Batman v Superman. It was our first night out without the little one since we brought her home. I was nervous about leaving her, worried if she’d be okay and how the night would go. But I’m so glad we went, even if my feelings about the movie are mixed.
It used to be that going for a night out was a fairly easy affair, but obviously those days are long gone. Now, with a kid to look after, there was quite a bit more thought that had to go into things. We had confirmed with Dean’s parents that they’d look after Harley, so at least finding a sitter wasn’t one of those worries. Still, it wasn’t easy.
Okay, the logistics part was fairly straight forward. I pumped Harley some extra milk (wow I forgot how much more work that is than just popping her on the boob!) and packed made sure her nappy bag was fully stocked. They have toys and an extra cot at their place, so that made life quite a bit easier. But the hardest part had nothing to do with nappies, toys or even milk – saying goodbye to my little one and knowing that I wouldn’t see her for a bunch of hours was so bittersweet.
It’s strange how throughout the day I long for time alone, time without a body touching me, time to be in my own head without listening for her or taking care of her. And yet, as soon as I had that time, I was so sad to say goodbye. What if she needed me? I’m her mommy, I’m supposed to make sure she’s okay, always. But I did – I left her with capable grandparents who could take care of her. But it was still so hard to say goodbye to my tiny person.
The night out itself was pretty nice. The event was well organized with plenty of free drinks and food, as well as the obligatory movie snacks and drinks. So many people were invited – the venue was seriously packed but it was great to see all my work friends who have become just real friends as well. I hadn’t even seen a bunch of the people since having Harley, so it was nice to catch up. I actually think Dean and I would have appreciated our first night out more if it had been more of a date night – or even just a chilled evening at home together. We love each other’s company and don’t need the fanfare of loads of people or a big event to appreciate being together.
The movie itself was long. Ridiculously long. I like long movies, but this ended up feeling like they were trying to do a bit too much for my taste. Still, it was cool to see what they did with Wonder Woman – I’m excited for her to get her own movie if this is how they’re approaching her character. Plus, there were some epic moments in the movie that were a ton of fun to see.
Still, when the movie finished at 10 (with a start time of around 7:30) I was very happy to duck out of the theater and head to Dean’s parents’ house and pick up Harley. She was asleep – so happy and peaceful. Of course she woke up when we got home, but it was actually nice for me; I was happy to nurse her back to sleep, both to empty my overfull boob and to have that bonding moment again with her.
I’m glad to know we can have nights out like this, and I will be more comfy leaving her if I have to. It’s so strange to be without her – as much as I miss my freedom to come and go as I please, I also miss looking after her when we’re apart. What a weird thing this motherhood thing is…