Browsing Category: Featured

Emigration: Happy to go, sad to leave

happy to go, sad to leave

Dean’s application is officially lodged with the consulate. It’s just the first step in the process (and I’ll write about it soon), but barring any unforeseen issues, it pretty much means that we are going this year. Green cards are strange that way – the application could take us anywhere from three to six months, but once it’s approved, we have six months to get to the States. It felt so final after we handed in that application, like we were really doing this. Maybe it was the ridiculous fee we had to pay (over $500 which isn’t a nice number converted into Rands), or maybe it was the guy explaining the timeline to us, or maybe it was simply doing the calendar math, but I realized just how short our time in South Africa is now, and I’m filling with so many feelings.

I think that hardest part is that our life here is good. It’s not like we’re in a terrible situation, struggling to get by or seeking to escape a war or conflict. We aren’t being persecuted, we aren’t even unhappy here. We have a home, a car, jobs we love, friends we adore… but it’s the other stuff, too. I know where to go for all the things we might want or need. I’m oriented in my city, I’m comfortable with the places I frequent, and everything feels incredibly familiar by now. Continue Reading

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5 Comments Rambling, South Africa, USA

How to be an active citizen

active citizen

Citizenship has been on my mind a lot lately. I’ve been worrying about Harley’s South African citizenship, her American citizenship, wondering about emigrating despite Trump becoming president, and a whole host of other things. On the one hand, I’ve thought of citizenship as a privilege – I’m privileged to have an American passport that allows me to travel easily, something I notice more with a South African husband. However, with today being inauguration day, I want to talk a little bit about citizenship as a responsibility, and how each of us can be an active citizen.

Whenever election day rolls around, either here in South Africa or in the States, I make a pretty big deal of it. I make sure Dean votes (not that he needs me to do so, but still), and I’m sure to vote as well. Voting is important. It’s the most obvious statement of your opinion in the democratic system, and it’s vital to a state being legitimate and focused on the needs of the people. I actually really like countries that make voting easy for citizens, whether with a public holiday or plenty of advanced voting, along with some sort of mandatory voting system. If you are a citizen, you should be required to take part in the governance of your country. But there is so much more that goes into being an active citizen. Continue Reading

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Comment Rambling, South Africa, USA

You know you’re a good mom if…

good mom

I wrote recently about wishing that I’d been more confident when Harley came home. Not about how to do things, that comes with time, but more that I wish I’d had the confidence to know that I’m the best mommy for Harley, that I’m doing the right things for her and that I really do know what’s best for her (at least for now). While part of that comes with time and experience, it’s also aided or hampered by the people around me – just having people I know and trust tell me how they see I’m a good mom makes me feel more confident. Contrarily, when people question my decisions or outright undermine them, it can make me wonder if I’m a good mom or if they’re right. I’ve heard many people talk about signs that you’re a good or a bad mom, and I thought I’d throw my two cents in (or maybe a bit more).

It’s hard to know if you’re a good mom, mostly because everything we do as parents is so long term. Sure, your kid might thrive developmentally, or might show signs of being well adjusted, but you just won’t know how you did as a parent until months, years or decades down the line. There are some things you can pick up on along the way, and hopefully these help you when you have those moments of doubt. Or, at least I’ll have a post to come back and read when something makes me wonder it for myself. You know you’re a good mom if… Continue Reading

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2 Comments Parenting

You can’t suck at yoga

suck at yoga

At the time of writing this, I have done 15 consecutive days of yoga. That is more than I’ve ever done before; I usually got bored and abandoned the daily yoga idea after a few days or a week. I find it so helpful to have great emails sent to me each day – a new routine, a new focus every day. It’s about more than the physical; the emotional and cognitive journey has already been profound. Even so, I was wondering if I’d stick with it once the month was over. Would I continue to find videos? Would I keep enjoying it without the daily changing routine? Parts of it are still so daunting. I struggle with many of the regular poses (like downward f-ing dog) and finish the 30 minute videos dripping with sweat. With some poses that I can only do while heavily modified, I sometimes feel like I’m not strong enough, not flexible enough.

I recently caught up with my friend Sadaf, and she commented that she saw that I was doing yoga now (she has for years). A part of me didn’t feel like I was good enough to be considered in the same league as I imagined she was in. I replied, “yeah, but I sorta suck at it”. She laughed and made the best possible comment. You can’t suck at yoga. It’s only once it came to the West that we started making it a competitive thing somehow, trying to be able to push ourselves into ever more complicated poses, outdoing the person on the next mat. It’s not about getting into the “perfect” tree, chair or crow pose, something that is mirrored in what the woman running the #YogaRevolution often says. Continue Reading

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5 Comments Fitness, Health

A file for Harley, or “if you ever want to move overseas”

file safe deposit

It has been a mission getting the admin together to move myself, Dean and Harley to the States. It makes me want to pull my hair out it’s so frustrating sometimes. It’s not that the forms are particularly difficult or that we don’t qualify or something – it’s just a pain trying to get all the documentation and proof that they might need. It’s also made me realize the types of things I need to save for Harley as she grows up. I mean, when did I ever think that I would need to prove my citizenship? When did I ever think that I would need to prove my relationship with Dean? When you live your life in one country, none of this really seems to be an issue. But if you plan to move overseas, there’s a lot of extra admin, and I hope to make things a bit easier for Harley if she ever decides to traipse around the world.

It’s not so much the travel bit, or even moving overseas that’s particularly difficult. Usually, it’s simply a matter of showing a birth certificate, maybe getting a police clearance of some description to prove you aren’t a criminal, and most countries will let you in. However, if you hope to get married and make a life with someone who is foreign, the more documentation you have, the better. It’s all about proving who you are, not because YOU are lying, but because so many other people have lied. It has been so great when my mom and I found documentation that helped – like an old transcript that my mom found, or random medical bills that proved I was in the States to get my wisdom teeth removed or whatever else. It’s random and not stuff you would normally keep, and yet it has turned out to be so worthwhile. As such, this is the file that I plan to keep for Harley, just in case, so that one day when she asks for proof of silly details, I have them. Continue Reading

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3 Comments Parenting, South Africa, USA