Browsing Category: Parenting

A file for Harley, or “if you ever want to move overseas”

January 12, 2017 Zoe

It has been a mission getting the admin together to move myself, Dean and Harley to the States. It makes me want to pull my hair out it’s so frustrating sometimes. It’s not that the forms are particularly difficult or that we don’t qualify or something – it’s just a pain trying to get all the documentation and proof that they might need. It’s also made me realize the types of things I need to save for Harley as she grows up. I mean, when did I ever think that I would need to prove my citizenship? When did I ever think that I would need to prove my relationship with Dean? When you live your life in one country, none of this really seems to be an issue. But if you plan to move overseas, there’s a lot of extra admin, and I hope to make things a bit easier for Harley if she ever decides to traipse around the world.

It’s not so much the travel bit, or even moving overseas that’s particularly difficult. Usually, it’s simply a matter of showing a birth certificate, maybe getting a police clearance of some description to prove you aren’t a criminal, and most countries will let you in. However, if you hope to get married and make a life with someone who is foreign, the more documentation you have, the better. It’s all about proving who you are, not because YOU are lying, but because so many other people have lied. It has been so great when my mom and I found documentation that helped – like an old transcript that my mom found, or random medical bills that proved I was in the States to get my wisdom teeth removed or whatever else. It’s random and not stuff you would normally keep, and yet it has turned out to be so worthwhile. As such, this is the file that I plan to keep for Harley, just in case, so that one day when she asks for proof of silly details, I have them. Continue Reading

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3 Comments Parenting, South Africa, USA

A year at home

January 10, 2017 Zoe

Last Friday was a very special kind of anniversary – it was a year since we brought Harley home from the hospital. It’s funny looking back, realizing how little we knew, how we truly didn’t know what we were in for. No matter what anyone says, nothing can prepare you for a newborn, and a preemie in particular. Now, a year later, our lives are so different, Harley is so different. Things have gotten so much easier, and also so much harder in other ways. It’s all part of the journey, but with Harley home for a year now, I thought I’d look back at those dark early days a bit, and also at how things are right now.

The past couple days with Harley have been tough. She isn’t sleeping too well – not horribly, but not great. I think she is teething quite badly, plus she is about to hit a major developmental leap which always makes her a bit impossible. She gets upset quite easily, cries more often and is generally just clingy and cranky. However, it is still a million times easier than it was back when we first brought her home. Sure, she can crawl off now, and get into things she shouldn’t (she ejected my PS4 game yesterday, much to my horror… time to move the console!) but she can also interact, smile, play and have a lot more fun than she used to. Continue Reading

9 Comments Parenting, Rambling

Mom Guilt Motherhood Preemie

Thoughts on the night before Christmas 2016

December 24, 2016 Zoe

I’ve been wanting to write some words all day. I haven’t been writing much the last few days, enjoying my time on leave instead. I’ve been playing Stardew Valley, Watch Dogs 2 and finishing up some odds and ends of Final Fantasy XV, as well as watching The Crown on Netflix. I’ve also been playing with my kid, running errands and finally sorting out her American citizenship (which I promise I will write about soon). It’s been a lovely time away from work, time in my own head, and time with two of the people who mean the most to me in the whole world. I’ve been thinking a lot though as we head into this holiday, about where we are and where we are going. I recently wrote a post about what I’m thankful for, so that’s not exactly what I want to do here, but I’ve been struggling to put my thoughts into a discernible order. So, instead of putting them into order, here they are in all their chaotic beauty.

My heart is heavy when I think about the world at the moment. Whether you believe the story of the nativity is truth, or a parable, it feels rather important at the moment. Mary and Joseph were fleeing persecution, and no one would let them in. Finally, a kind person let them into their barn, where Mary ended up giving birth. It’s a story that is meant to remind us that even in our darkest moments, light can come into the world. That even the most poor and desperate people can bring something beyond value into this world. It’s a reminder during the dark days of the Winter Solstice (which feels odd when we celebrate down here in South Africa seeing as it’s summer) that light and warmth and goodness can return to the world. Continue Reading

Comment Geek, Marriage, Parenting, Rambling

Family Love Thoughts

What are your non-negotiables?

December 19, 2016 Zoe

Most of life, and particularly parenting, feels like a negotiating process. We adjust the rules to fit our lives, allowing our kids to do some things that might have surprised an earlier version of ourselves. People who despise pacifiers grow to love them, and then hate them again. People who don’t believe in thumb sucking finally decide it’s not worth the fight and maybe just end up paying for braces down the line. I try to keep Harley from playing with pens or climbing on tables, but I’ve given up on trying to keep her from eating her food off the floor. Most everything is up for discussion or flexibility, but not quite everything. There are some things that simply aren’t up for debate, that aren’t negotiable, and I’m wondering what are your non-negotiables.

For me, it comes down to safety. I mean, life and death sorta safety. I think Mandy from Pregnant in Cape Town put it best when she wrote about carseats for the first time, saying is the alternative your child dying? If your kid wants to wear a weird outfit to school or eat breakfast for dinner, I doubt they will die from it. But failing to strap your munchkin into a carseat? It really is a matter of life and death, even in a low-speed collision. Scary, scary stuff. Continue Reading

2 Comments Parenting

carseats negotiating Parenting

Changing how I see myself, or at least trying

December 14, 2016 Zoe

This past Saturday, Dean, Harley and I did a photo shoot. Dean had asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and I said that I wanted a family photoshoot. I know he hates when we take pictures, he hates that sort of public flaunting of our life, love, happiness. But, because he is always willing to do whatever it takes to make me happy, he said cool. I found an amazing photographer who not only has a great eye, but also was willing to do a shoot that was a bit different to what you see usually in family photoshoots. If you’re looking for an amazingly reasonably priced photographer who is also a lovely human, I can’t recommend Meg highly enough. Seriously – go check her out.

Anyway, I got the photos from her that evening (yes, her turn around time was incredible) and I adored them. But I also did the usual thing that I think all women (and plenty of men) do. I didn’t see the gorgeous smiles, the pure love and joy. No, I saw the shots where I had an extra chin, where I looked fat, where i didn’t like my teeth or my skin or whatever else. I was so negative, not about the photos, but about myself. But then I had a revelation and I am changing how I see myself. Continue Reading

10 Comments Breast feeding, Parenting, Rambling

Body Image Self Image Superhero