Browsing Category: Rambling

The longest and shortest 10 months of my life

10 months

My baby, my tiny little preemie princess is now 10 months old. How is that even possible? Time is such a strange thing, both screaming past at an insane rate and also moving so slowly at times. Those early, impossible, dark days seemed to stretch on forever… and then all of a sudden they were over. My little girl is already 10 months old, and I simply can’t believe it. How did it go so fast? At the same time, it feels like forever – I can barely remember what life was like before my little person came along. Okay, that’s a bit of a lie; of course I can remember my life before Harley, but it sort of feels like she has always been a part of my life, that is how important she is now.

10 months ago, she was a tiny, helpless thing being fed through a tube. It was already an accomplishment that she could breathe on her own, and didn’t need oxygen. So much has changed in that time. She has grown, I have changed, our whole view of the world and our future has been radically and forever altered. Harley will always be my little baby, but she isn’t quite the tiny human that she once was. She is growing up so fast, and it’s so exciting (and terrifying) to watch. She is becoming her own person, and I love every second of it. Continue Reading

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“Overweight and Underpowered”

There was a point on our trip to Knysna, driving along the single lane highway, when Dean was struggling to get our little car to overtake one of the many trucks along the route. Our Chevy Aveo does just fine most of the time, but loaded with 3 adults and a baby in her awesome car seat, plus the pram and all our baggage in the trunk/boot, it wasn’t quite as strong as we needed. Kris said it quite well in that moment – the car was overweight and underpowered. “Just like me”, I quipped from the backseat of the car. We all chuckled, but it’s been irritating me because it’s true.

I made a promise to myself (and to all of you) that I wouldn’t pass my body image stuff on to Harley. I don’t want her to grow up worrying about her weight, something that so many women (all women?) worry about. I also told myself that I’d give myself a year before worrying about getting back into shape after Harley came along – I figured it would take that long before we’d have a routine and stuff that let me carve time out of the day to go to the gym or at least do home exercise. But then I went for my post-baby checkup and I had actually lost weight. I even took pictures of my before and after body at that point. But I may have spoken too soon. Continue Reading

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All about our trip to Knysna

If you don’t follow me on social media (and really, you should), you might not realize just how much fun I had last week. Dean, Harley and I went with Dean’s friend Kris from Iceland down to Knysna. I had been promised that Knysna was beautiful, that it was a land of whales, oysters and wine. I’ve been wanting to go there for years, but the timing never seemed to work. Until last week, when we all piled into our little car and made the trip down. Yes, that’s right, we did it as a road trip, making plenty of stops along the way.

I tried to do a bit of an update while I was away. In fact, I had planned on blogging while I was gone. But it just wasn’t really doable from my iPad, so I instead decided to enjoy my time away and worry about putting it all into words when I returned. So, here are all the words. Continue Reading

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Becoming a mom changed my view of my mom

mom

When people ask, I say that my mom and I have always been close. It’s funny, though, when she and my father were going through their awful, drawn out divorce, we had tearful conversations about how hadn’t felt close when I was growing up. But then we went back and read our diaries and found at the time, we actually had always felt close – both writing about going for coffee together, visiting museums, and all our funny jokes that just we shared. Obviously, we had the usual dramas and tears that adolescence brought; at one point I even shouted “you don’t know me and I don’t know you” during a fight, only to laugh about it a couple hours later.

As I’ve grown into adulthood, we’ve stayed close. At some points growing closer together and at others further apart. But we always spoke, we always shared pretty much everything, and we have always based everything on the foundation of loving each other no matter what. Even when we disagree, we can usually at least see where the other person is coming from. We get each other in a profound way, and our relationship has been such a solid part of my life. And having Harley made things even more meaningful for me. Continue Reading

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The ends of the earth

ends of the earth

As I’ve gotten older, I’m even more amused and intrigued by the difference between what people say and what they do. I truly value the people who have those two things align, but I know it’s so very rare. Sometimes it’s a good thing, like when any of us get upset and talk about what we feel like doing. But sometimes, it shows a real disconnect in terms of what we imagine we would do for someone and where our boundaries actually lie. Nothing says it for me more than the phrase “but I would go to the ends of the earth for you/him/her”.  Continue Reading

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