Back when I was pregnant, I wrote about sex. At the time, things were a bit weird and awkward. My libido was pretty much normal, and physically I was enjoying sex more than ever thanks to increased blood flow below the waist. However, Dean and I were both struggling with some psychological issues with sexy time – it was weird that my orgasm would give Harley the same chemicals to her brain as it does to mine, and Dean didn’t like that proximity of his member to the tiny baby inside me. I was worried that this was a taste of what was to come. Were we going to develop a madonna/whore complex together, making future intimacy impossible?
Since Harley has been born, things have changed, obviously. I am way, way more tired than I ever imagined that I would be. I knew that a baby would be tiring, but it’s exhausting in a whole other way. You see, it’s not just sleep deprivation. In fact, Harley is mostly sleeping through the night, only waking up once or twice for quick feeds and then back to sleep. However, after a day of bouncing, singing, reading, changing nappies, nursing and whatever else, I am pretty much shattered. When the little on goes down for the night, I’m not far behind on getting into bed. I hardly ever even read before sleep, and finding time for intimacy is more tricky, but not impossible.
In fact, I think we have a fairly healthy situation at the moment, all things considered. I just find our timing rather amusing. We will race to the bedroom when the goblin goes down for a nap, or hope that she doesn’t wake up early on the weekends so that we have a few stolen moments in bed together. It’s a different kind of intimacy – still passionate, still fun, but sex is simply different with a baby in the next room. Maybe it’s just for me, maybe I’m the only one who is always keeping an ear out for those cries, but at the same time, “me time” or in this case “us time” is that much more precious and savored than it used to be.
I do think things will change again, though. Breastfeeding certainly changes libido, both chemically and psychologically. It’s just weird because my boobs have become completely de-sexualized for me. They are a means of feeding my child, not for sexual gratification. Plus, I’ve heard that nursing can lower sex drive. That, combined with the meds I’m on for another month or so, are keeping my brain out of the gutter more than usual. I doubt it’s a permanent change, though. I’ll bet that as Harley weans and as I go off the meds, my randy self will return. Will that make me a MILF? Oh, and let’s not even talk about how things will change once Harley becomes mobile…