When things got easier

Harley is now four months old. She is smiling, she is learning to roll over, and she is looking more beautiful each day. She is looking particularly beautiful to me today because I got seven hours of sleep in a row. Yup, Harley slept through the night and is looking radiantly gorgeous today, although that could also be because I’m happy and rested.

Not so long ago, I was having a very hard time with her. I was tired, I didn’t know what she wanted, she seemed to cry all the time, Dean was irritated by her – life wasn’t too great. But now Dean and I are having fun with her, I’m falling more in love with her each day, and life seems to be getting better and better. When did that happen?

I remember when I was at my low point, I said how I knew everyone said that it gets better, but I didn’t care. It wasn’t better in the moment. And now, I am. It’s been a slow process, but now at the 4 month mark, I’m amazed at how far we’ve come.

Harley is sleeping for longer and longer stretches. I also have a better sense of what she needs – sometimes she cries because she’s hungry, or because she’s hot, or because she wants to sit/stand instead of lie down. And now, I have a better idea of each of those cries. She doesn’t seem to be screaming for no reason anymore – I know what she wants and I can comfort her so much faster as a result. I also think that she settles more easily than she used to. She used to continue to cry after changing her nappy, feeding her or whatever else was the problem. This meant that I felt like nothing I did was right or enough, whereas now I know she takes a few minutes to calm down after being hungry, uncomfortable or overtired.

A big part of finding things easier is that I’m more confident than I was at the start. I know how to go places with Harley, and I take her with me pretty much everywhere: the shops, meetings, bars, restaurants. Being able to go places with her means that I feel less confined, and I’m happier. I’m also more confident as a mom. I know how Harley likes to be held, when she wants to eat or just to be cuddled, I know when to change her nappy or how to give her a bath. It all means that I’m feeling better about being her mommy, and that definitely rubs off on her.

Is being a mom easy? By no means no! It is still a lot of hard work and I spend a lot of the time exhausted, but it’s way better than it was when we first brought her home, and I’m feeling better about it every day. Maybe one day, I’d even consider having another one. I must be crazy.


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