You know that song that goes something like “time is on my side, yes it is”? Well, that is not meant for me. It’s not that I’m particularly swamped or overwhelmed at the moment, but rather that I am becoming incredibly aware of the passage of time, on a large and small scale. I thought that 9 months of pregnancy would feel like ages, and there are moments when it seems to stretch out more than my expanding stomach, but then milestones come upon me and shock me.
I am 20 weeks pregnant at the moment. It’s sort of a pretty comfortable point to be at. I’m not feeling any nausea, although heart burn is a new and less than pleasant development. I have a bit more energy, although I’m still exhausted when I wake up and thinking that I just need to accept a future of napping when possible. And while I feel huge, I know that I’m not actually that big yet. So yeah, I’ve hit a comfy point in the pregnancy experience, but then it hit me – I’m currently half way.
Sure, it still means that I have a ways to go through the pregnancy before my Princess Harley arrives. But it also means that I’ve come quite a long way. It’s just the start of my journey through motherhood, but it’s crazy to think that I have now been pregnant for MONTHS. My friend (and Harley’s future godmother) and I were thinking that we’d organize the baby shower for November. That should give me enough time to see what’s what and still buy anything else we need using the December bonus for big ticket items before she arrives in January. November sounded so far away when we first talked about it, but we’re already well in September. Where did my “plenty of time” go?
Then again, this really shouldn’t surprise me. Dean and I had fun today looking at songs that were top of the charts when we first met. It’s kind of shocking to think what was playing on the radio when we were falling in love all those years ago. Top of the charts 8.5 years ago? This song from Fall Out Boy or this one from Timbaland, it was a month later when Umbrella from Rihanna topped the charts (in the UK, anyway). It feels like a million years ago, and also yesterday. Then I look at my friends’ kids and realize how they are also getting older faster than I can believe. I suppose it’s a sign of getting older or something, but I just find it so shocking – those little blobs I knew not long ago are now becoming real people.
In 20 more weeks, I will most likely have a baby in my arms (unless she decides to make me wait). She will be a real human, existing in the world. How is that even possible? How can the tiny life that’s growing inside me already be so close to being done? If she were a piece of meat instead of a bun in the oven, it would be time to turn her already. Where did these weeks go, and how could there possibly be enough time to get everything organized before she arrives? And just think, this is my last spring without her. By this time next year, we’ll both be wearing adorable sun dresses. Unfathomable.