It’s hot. Joburg is currently experiencing a heat wave that makes me want to die. Yesterday, I went swimming twice, and I think that I will do the same today. I was going to blog about living as a puddle for this week, but thanks to some conversations recently with a bunch of people, I realized that some of you might not really understand the point of this blog. I don’t think I’ve even totally clarified it for myself, so I might as well do the meta thing and blog about blogging.

I have been a long time diary keeper. Journaling has helped me figure things out, from how I feel about various people and situation, to actions that I think will be best. Writing on a regular basis helped strengthen the muscle, making it easier to write articles and other pieces on a regular basis. I still occasionally write in a journal, mostly because I love the feeling of putting (fountain) pen to paper, but this blog has taken over as my primary place of working things through.

This blog is my place on the internet to figure out this whole pregnancy and parenting journey. Plenty of women have gone through it before, obviously, and when reading their words I’ve realized that I’m not as alone as I sometimes feel. Pregnancy is inherently lonely, and I have a feeling that motherhood will be, too. Blogging gives me a place to write about the emotions, the day to day frustrations and victories and all the things I figure out about myself and what I want to do along the way. It gives me the opportunity to share what I’m going through, and hopefully connect with other people – both those who have been in my shoes and those who are curious about what it could all be like. It helps me figure out how to balance the various parts of myself, and how they fit together in new ways. How to be a geek mom, a wife, and how I will still find a way to carve out times and ways to be me.

I try to be as open and honest as possible along the way. I don’t see the point of blogging if I’m not actually going to share what I’m going through or thinking about. Luckily, Dean has been incredible supportive of all this and doesn’t seem to mind our private lives shared on the internet. I will definitely impose some stricter rules once Harley is born – particularly around posting pictures of her and things, but that’s a blog post for a different day. More than revealing silly photos or images with the world, this is where I share my soul – the ups and downs of growing a human and trying to reconcile that with still being my own person.

Sure, i have a platform thanks to twitter or Facebook, but this is where I can write and figure things out. And where you can write and respond. I love knowing that people are reading my words and are being touched by them in some way, shape or form. We are all going through life on our own journeys, but sometimes we see things that resonate with us and help us interpret our own experiences. I can’t even express how awesome your feedback has been for me thus far – having people reach out to me through the blog and through social media and in person as a result of what I write here has made the whole experience feel worthwhile.

So that’s why I do it. I blog to figure out what is going on my head and my body during this crazy time. I do it to share the experience with all of you. And I do it because when I hear from people who have read my words and been touched by them, it makes it feel like none of us are as alone as we sometimes think and feel.

Now excuse me, I need to jump in the pool before I die.

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