The kind of mother I want to be

baby foot

I thought a lot about the kind of mother that I wanted to be. Before even going off the pill, I had ideas about the kind of education I wanted for my rugrat, the kinds of games I wanted him or her to play, and all the books and films I wanted to show him or her. I knew I wanted to be loving and warm and supportive. I was filled with all kinds of wonderful theories about raising a child, even as I realized that I was totally clueless. Being a mom isn’t quite what I expected… at least not at this age.

Okay, some things I’ve been able to follow through on… for the most part. In general, unless I’m on the brink of a breakdown, I don’t let my kid “just cry it out”. I don’t believe it’s healthy; it just teaches the child not to ask for help because they won’t be heard anyway. In fact, new research backs up my thoughts – the more cuddles the better, not just for infants but as they grow up, too. Of course, I sometimes beg Harley to stop crying for a few minutes, just so I can eat my meal or drink my coffee while it’s still hot. But it’s about being the kind of mother I want to be. Continue Reading

1 Comment Parenting

Two months old today

Today, Harley is two months old. Sure, with her being born eight weeks premature that means she’s essentially a week old, but that’s also not entirely true. Her development, and mine as her mother, lies somewhere in between. Milestones are a bit odd for both of us – she is far and away ahead of where you’d expect a one week old to be, but not quite where a two month old would be either. Meanwhile, I’m slowly starting to fall in love with her every day, and finding my feet as a mom as well.

I still find it hard to think of myself as a mom. I obviously am one, but it hasn’t settled in as a way of defining myself just yet. While I take care of Harley, and mother her in the best way that I know how, it isn’t as innate a self descriptor as woman, gamer, geek, wife or friend is – I suppose that will come in time, just like her ability to smile in response to stimulus or grab things put in front of her. Continue Reading

2 Comments Parenting, Rambling

Shopping with my tiny baby

Since having the little rugrat, I often feel homebound. It’s gotten worse since starting breastfeeding, as I’m permanently attached to Harley (at least that’s how it feels) and worried about leaving her at home with Dean for longer periods of time. Getting out of the house, going shopping, or meeting with friends can feel like a challenge which is why most of my socializing has been limited to people coming over for visits. However, I was tired of feeling like I needed reinforcements for even the most basic tasks out of the house, so I had to see if I could go shopping on my own. Sure, it will always be easier with an extra pair of hands, but is it possible? Yes. Yes it is. Continue Reading

3 Comments Rambling

Breastfeeding: beyond the milk

When Harley was born early, I was stuck in the ICU for a bunch of days. Thankfully, when I transferred back to the maternity ward, I managed to get the hang of breast pumping within a few days, feeding my little preemie with exclusively breast milk. I am incredibly lucky that I was able to do this, and proud that she was exclusively breastfed even though we weren’t able to nurse. It wasn’t easy, but with the importance and benefits of breast milk, I was glad to be able to feel like a good mom to my little one while she was still in the NICU.

Upon getting her home, breastfeeding was still an issue. She was so small and would get so hungry that instead of latching onto the boob, Harley would just cry and scream. It was way easier to give her a bottle of expressed milk, plus it seemed to be the only way to feed her. It was time consuming to need to pump and give bottles, but we had to do what we had to do and again, I was proud to be her food source even if she wasn’t drinking straight from the boob. Now, that she is taking the breast, I realize that breastfeeding is about way more than just milk. Continue Reading

5 Comments Breast feeding, Rambling

If parenting a newborn were a video game

When it comes to a newborn, “parenting” feels a bit like a misnomer. I mean, there are some things I’m doing to try to develop her little mind, to introduce her to the world, but mostly I seem to fall into an endless cycle of changing nappies/cleaning her, feeding her and getting her to go to sleep. She is only awake for a little while at a time, and most of that time is spent looking after those baser needs. However, there can be more to it, and in the early hours of the morning, I start to think of it as a video game.

Seeing as it keeps me entertained, I thought I would share the various genres of games that I think parenting falls under at this fragile age. I’m sure as she gets older, it will take on more tactical elements and perhaps some elements of psychological thriller or horror, but for now most of her parenting falls into these genres.
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2 Comments Gaming, Geek, Parenting