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Motherhood is dancing with the fear

Motherhood is dancing with the fear

I recently heard the phrase “dance with the fear” in relation to startups and other new ventures. The woman on a podcast was talking about how jumping into a new venture can be scary and you have to embrace that fear while letting other people believe in you even if you can’t believe in yourself. I nearly started crying in the car – screw startups or business, that was a perfectly apt explanation of motherhood. As Mother’s Day draws closer, I’m inevitably thinking about what it means – being a mom, making the journey into motherhood.

Then, on a TV show that I enjoy, a woman was rushed into an emergency c-section. It was a matter of life and death, and then her baby was born and I sobbed. Then the baby gave her first cry and I sobbed some more. I was holding Harley on my lap while watching TV (she was busy playing with her shoes, as is her way lately), and I was telling her that was how she was born. I couldn’t help myself, kissing and hugging her while sobbing watching a stupid TV series. Motherhood is complicated. It’s hard and lonely and absolutely terrifying. And that’s with a loving husband, supportive family and friends and the good fortune to afford all the things I needed during birth and those early days especially.

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7 Comments Parenting, Sponsored

Everyone should watch these sexual harassment PSAs

sexual harassment

Public Service Announcements (or PSAs) are strange things. Some of them have been so tone deaf over the years, using weird imagery and language while trying to push kids to just say no to drugs or avoid the perils of teen sex. I still remember a PSA I saw as a kid about someone stealing condoms because they were too shy to buy them, with the messaging that if you aren’t mature enough to buy condoms, you aren’t mature enough to cope with the reality of sex. This latest batch of PSAs deal with sexual harassment, and they hit a little too close to home for me.

So often, sexual harassment and assault is depicted as strangers jumping out of bushes to flash people, or gross lecherous men groping teenagers on the subway. The reality of sexual harassment is much more nuanced. It’s usually from someone you know, perhaps in the workplace or from someone in a position of power. It is still harassment, and in a way even more insidious. David Schwimmer helped produce these new PSAs and they are well written, acted and filmed, and showcase some real star power as well. Here are a few that resonated with me. Continue Reading

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Mom guilt is real and can strike at any time

mom guilt

I’ve seen so much about mom guilt, and while I can laugh at the cartoons about it or joke about how it’s a lose-lose situation for women, in the moment it can still feel crippling. I’d define it as the duality of motherhood – on the one hand you love your child and want to do any and everything for them, and on the other hand you also want to be a person and still feel like your own human being. This can be compounded if you also work, adding the dimension of feeling like a terrible employee whenever you devote time to your kid and vice versa. And I felt it acutely on Monday night.

Thanks to Harley being sick and staying home from school for a few days, I’d spent a lot of time with her lately. I mean, I always spend a lot of time with her, obviously, but even more so thanks to her having been sick. It was wonderful to know how much she loves me, that she feels safe with me and just wanted to be close to me all day every day while she was ill. Of course, that also meant that I was tired and worn out and seriously struggling to get my work done. Continue Reading

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3 Comments Parenting, Rambling

Best places to eat with a baby in Joburg [UPDATED]

Babies are known to turn people into homebodies. It’s just such a mission to go anywhere. You need to bring so much along for your kid – nappies, wipes, bum cream, toys, change of clothes… the list seems to just go on and on. I know so many people who hardly leave the house once they spawn. However, Dean and I like going out for a drink. We like eating a meal out of the house sometimes. And it really is a lot easier than you might think. We often frequent Hogshead – we sit in the non-smoking section and they are absolutely lovely to us. That said, there are some really easy and nice places to go with your baby and even toddlers or kids that don’t include the likes of Spur.

I’m not trying to knock Spur – it’s certainly got its place. However, I generally prefer to support smaller businesses, local restaurants and pubs rather than chains. I also want a place where the kid can be happy but the adults can also enjoy above average food/drink. So, here are my picks for the best places to eat with a baby in Joburg (or with a toddler or small kid), just in time for school holidays where you might be wondering where on earth you can go with your munchkins. Please feel free to comment with your picks, too – I certainly haven’t managed to try all the places, so these are just the ones that have impressed me so far. Continue Reading

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8 Comments South Africa

Life happens in the beautiful negative spaces

negative space

When I initially started this blog, I was determined that I would write every day. I mean, why not? And really, what was the point of it all if I couldn’t commit to writing each and every day, chronicling our daily lives, my thoughts, and whatever else is going on? Even when Harley first came home, I was committed to writing on a daily basis, even if I didn’t always manage. At the start of this year, I decided to try and plan blog entries, to make it easier to write regularly, to write better posts because I’d have the time planned for each one. Of course life doesn’t work like that.

It’s now over a week since my last post. I had a crazy week at work, and then Harley got a stomach bug and that seemed to consume whatever semblance of time and sanity I had left. Oh, and can I mention that I’ve been fighting off a cold as well? As much as I wanted to write here, there just weren’t enough hours in the day. When I did have some consecutive minutes or hours, I wanted to spend them with Dean and Harley, wanted to relax together, to just be together. But when I thought about the fact I hadn’t written here, I felt so bad, felt like such a failure, until I stopped thinking of it negatively, but rather as negative space. Continue Reading

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4 Comments Rambling