Due date and on the boob

Yesterday was Harley’s original due date. Having had her around already for eight weeks, three of which at home, it’s hard to think that all this time she was still meant to be growing inside me. She is still tiny, but has grown so much already. She is actually like a “normal” newborn now, and is acting like it more and more. Sure, she still has her issues, but she doesn’t seem nearly as tiny and difficult as she was.

Or maybe I just feel that way because she has finally started breast feeding consistently. All weekend, I could just pop her on the boob instead of needing to pump and then give her a bottle. Okay, “pop her on the boob” might sound easier than it actually was – she still cries and struggles when hungry, needing to first be consoled before I can convince her that latching on a nipple is her best life choice – but it’s made life way easier. Plus, it’s had a bonding side effect.

Yes, I think I’m really bonding with the little princess. I am feeling so much closer to her, reading her moods more and feeling more in tune with what she needs and feels. Plus, I’m able to see how adorable she is now. Sure, she still drives me crazy when she cries for no reason, and when she’s fussy or refusing to sleep when I want to go to bed it can infuriating, but she is so much better than she was, and I’m also feeling so much better about her in general. I think breast feeding has released some necessary endorphins and hormones for both of us – she also seems to calm down from breast feeding way more than she used to with the bottle.

Today we even started a TopTots class, learning to do baby massage. She cried for a bunch of it because she was hungry, but she loved the stretches and the swinging, and I has happy to hear that she’s actually quite advanced with her head movements and abilities. She is such a tough cookie, quite a fighter – I suppose she had to be considering her start in life. It was so great for both of us to do the class, and I’m excited to go again next week.

Compared to last week, I feel like I have given new birth to the little one. I still reserve the right to hate her, but mostly I’m feeling better about her. She sleeps a lot, giving me time to play games, do dishes and take long showers, and she is looking adorable most of the time she’s awake. What’s not to fall in love with? Yes, I think her due date marked the moment when I could finally fall in love with her. Or at least start to like her a whole lot more.


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