Is sleep already ruined?

I love to sleep. It’s one of those things I’ve always enjoyed. Apparently, even as a kid, I was easy to put down to sleep. As an adult, I’ve continued to sleep well for the most part. I still even take naps. It was one of my biggest concerns going into this whole procreation thing; I know I’m not a pleasant person to be around when I haven’t gotten enough rest, and I sort of figure that I will be a wreck for a year or more. Here’s hoping that Harley follows in my footsteps and sleeps from an early age, instead of being like Dean who only really started sleeping when he was… 30?

So I am sort of as prepared as I’ll ever be for the kind of sleep deprivation that only an infant can bring down upon her parents. I know that on some level I have no idea how tired I will be when Harley arrives, and I think I’ve made peace with it. What I wasn’t expecting was how completely and utterly exhausted I’d already be now.

I keep telling people that I’m pregnant, not sick. I’m not unwell. I feel pretty good most days, and I don’t want to be treated like some kind of invalid just because I’m growing a human. But geez, making a human is hard work, and totally exhausting. I’m at the point now where I’m building my days around when I will go swim and when I’ll take a nap. I wake up in the morning completely shattered, no matter how early I go to bed. Then again, I think that might be the result of the incredibly vivid dreams, and the fact that I wake up rather sore.

And it all feels like a big whine when I write about it or tell anyone about it. How bad can it be? I mean, I’m having a pretty easy pregnancy… I really am! I haven’t thrown up, I haven’t had debilitating illness. I had flu-like symptoms in my first trimester and the usual tiredness around the 9 week mark, I couldn’t eat in the evening in my first trimester, but it was really workable. Second trimester was all about the round ligament pain and the onset of heart burn and carpal tunnel. Now, I’ve just got the swollen feet and hands (which are much relieved when swimming) as well as a sore back and knees. Oh, and the fact that I’m completely and totally exhausted.

Is this some kind of training for the level of tiredness I should expect when Harley is born? Is this a new status quo for exhaustion, or is it something unique to growing a human at this particular point and it will pass before I actually become a mom? Oh how I miss feeling rested already.


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