Soloman Grundy might not have been a part of our thought processes when thinking about Harley originally, but he is coming to mind now that we are preparing to take her home. Born on a Tuesday, Harley is coming home on a Wednesday. That’s right, barring any unforeseen issues, we are able to drive to the hospital tomorrow and drive home with our little girl! After 36 days in the NICU, she is finally ready for her homecoming.
It’s exciting, exhilarating and more than a little terrifying. I have changed her nappy a bunch of times, bathed her, given her a bottle and breastfed her. So, I know I should be able to keep her alive what with being able to feed her, keep her clean and hopefully comfy. Of course, comforting her when she cries is still a bit hit or miss, although she is still a tiny little thing and I suppose that’s par for the course for a while. Still, at least I’ll get to figure that out at home instead of during NICU visits.
I accept that I have no idea what to expect. Will she cry all the time? Am I never going to feel rested again? How will she and I cope with breastfeeding? Will I be stuck pumping forever or will she one day decide that the boob is okay? Do I have everything I need for her to come home, or will tomorrow (and the day after, and the day after that) be filled with emergency trips to the stores for random odds and ends? How long until she looks at me and Dean and we can fall utterly in love with her – not that we don’t already love her, but it’s a very different experience when interactions are limited to disinfectant-smelling rooms during prescribed visiting hours.
As happy as I am, I am also filled with trepidation for her arrival. I need to just keep on reminding myself that people have been doing this for as long as there have been people. Dean and I are smart and about as prepared as we could possibly be. We already love the little Harley Wednesday, but now we can actually get to know her better and love her even more. This is the tiny human that we made. It’s like when you get to taste cookies you baked from scratch for the first time – we had to wait a bit longer than some for the cookies to finally cool, but now we will appreciate the experience that much more.
Okay, that was a weird analogy… Let’s just say that she is already so worth the wait and I’m going to savor this last sleep tonight before she arrives. Hmmm, I probably won’t because I’ll be too excited and nervous for tomorrow, but I will try to enjoy my last night of sleep for a while while still enjoying my joy at her imminent homecoming.