Harley and I have had a weird journey so far. Starting out under such traumatic circumstances, we didn’t get to have that typical “bond in the first moments of life” that I was hoping for/planning on while pregnant. Then she was in the NICU and I took on the role of supermom as much as possible – pumping to have her exclusively breast fed, holding her as much as possible and doing everything I could to be an awesome mom to her. Then she came home.
The first day with her was utterly terrifying. I mean, I knew how to do the basics like clean her, change her, feed her, etc. But to know what she wanted when she would scream and wail? Not so much. It was incredibly daunting, but as everyone promised, it did get easier. Then there was a rough night that left me utterly exhausted and I became convinced that Dean and I had made a terrible mistake having this child. She felt like an awful house guest who would never leave, and I was devastated. Thankfully that feeling passed, but I have been keeping tabs on my emotional state.