Today, South Africa marks its Day of Reconciliation. It’s all about reconciling differences and working towards national unity. However, for me, I’ve been more consumed with trying to reconcile different aspects of myself, of what I’ve gone through, and of what this all means for the future. I knew that parenthood would mean that nothing goes according to plan, but it feels like something more than that at the moment.
Thus far, being a good mother has meant different things than I thought it would. At this point, I should still be pregnant, with being a good mom pretty much meaning that I would be taking care of myself, maybe playing music for Harley or talking to her, and getting all my things in order to prepare for her arrival – stuff like buying a cot and a car seat and all the rest. Instead, she is already out of my body but not in my home, and my role as her mother is a bit different than I’d planned.