Tag Archives: Motherhood

Is my baby torturing me? Not at the moment!

February 5, 2016 Zoe

We have ways of making you talk! Okay, I don’t, but the CIA and other agencies do. Enhanced interrogation, aka torture, can include a wide range of activities. Technically, torturing another human is illegal according to international agreements, but it still happens. Don’t worry, I promise this isn’t such a dark post on a Friday! You see, over on Cracked.com, they compared techniques for breaking down prisoners with activities performed by babies, and it’s kinda hilarious.

There are five techniques listed: sleep deprivation; solitary confinement; sound torture; stress positions; and food and drink deprivation. Sleep deprivation is unavoidable, although as I already explained I think I’ve adapted to Harley’s unique form of this. Yes, I’m still tired most days, but I usually hit my stride and I’m not so sleep deprived as to become moody or to impair my judgement or driving abilities. Perhaps Harley is torturing me, but she’s doing it relatively mildly. But what about the other techniques? Continue Reading

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Redefining a good night’s sleep

February 4, 2016 Zoe

Last night, I got a pretty good night’s sleep. Now, before you get jealous, let’s qualify that statement. Harley went to bed at around 10 after being a fussy nightmare from 5 in the evening. She slept until 2am, when I woke up and nursed her, getting her back to sleep by 2:30ish. She woke up again at 5am and went back to sleep at about 5:30, giving me ten minutes to lie back in bed before my alarm went off.

As little miss 8 hours sleep, I never would have believe 6.5 hours of interrupted sleep would ever feel like a glorious night of rest, but it seems that my body has adapted in the month since getting Harley home. In fact, I don’t even feel like I need a nap today (although I may reconsider this evening), and I feel full of energy. Maybe it’s all relative, though, and I feel so well rested as compared to what some nights have been like, but I think there are a few factors in that. Continue Reading

6 Comments Breast feeding, Parenting, Rambling

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The kind of mother I want to be

February 3, 2016 Zoe

I thought a lot about the kind of mother that I wanted to be. Before even going off the pill, I had ideas about the kind of education I wanted for my rugrat, the kinds of games I wanted him or her to play, and all the books and films I wanted to show him or her. I knew I wanted to be loving and warm and supportive. I was filled with all kinds of wonderful theories about raising a child, even as I realized that I was totally clueless. Being a mom isn’t quite what I expected… at least not at this age.

Okay, some things I’ve been able to follow through on… for the most part. In general, unless I’m on the brink of a breakdown, I don’t let my kid “just cry it out”. I don’t believe it’s healthy; it just teaches the child not to ask for help because they won’t be heard anyway. In fact, new research backs up my thoughts – the more cuddles the better, not just for infants but as they grow up, too. Of course, I sometimes beg Harley to stop crying for a few minutes, just so I can eat my meal or drink my coffee while it’s still hot. But it’s about being the kind of mother I want to be. Continue Reading

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Two months old today

February 1, 2016 Zoe

Today, Harley is two months old. Sure, with her being born eight weeks premature that means she’s essentially a week old, but that’s also not entirely true. Her development, and mine as her mother, lies somewhere in between. Milestones are a bit odd for both of us – she is far and away ahead of where you’d expect a one week old to be, but not quite where a two month old would be either. Meanwhile, I’m slowly starting to fall in love with her every day, and finding my feet as a mom as well.

I still find it hard to think of myself as a mom. I obviously am one, but it hasn’t settled in as a way of defining myself just yet. While I take care of Harley, and mother her in the best way that I know how, it isn’t as innate a self descriptor as woman, gamer, geek, wife or friend is – I suppose that will come in time, just like her ability to smile in response to stimulus or grab things put in front of her. Continue Reading

2 Comments Parenting, Rambling

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Things we shouldn’t say: I despise my baby

January 19, 2016 Zoe

Parenthood is such a lonely experience. Sure, there are tons of groups and blogs and communities to get involved in, but at 3am when you’re sitting with a screaming baby, you’re on your own. But that’s not even loneliest part about it; the worst part is that somehow, I’ve felt like I’m the only one who feels this way. Maybe I am, or maybe people are liars, or maybe nostalgia makes parents forget, but dealing with a newborn/preemie is absolutely awful.

Sure, there may be sweet moments, but when you’re sleep deprived and drained, there is only so much you can take. Well, only so much that I can take. And while Harley is objectively gorgeous and adorable, she seems way less so when she has been crying and screaming and robbing me and Dean of our rest and our sanity. Instead of staying quiet about it, feeling like I’m the only one, here’s what it’s really like even two weeks later with a baby who shouldn’t have even been born yet. Continue Reading

34 Comments Parenting, Rambling

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