Tag Archives: Motherhood

Lessons learned from the first week with an infant

January 12, 2016 Zoe

Babies are hard work. There is no doubt about it. I knew that it wouldn’t be easy, but it’s a different kind of hard than I anticipated. People talk about how awful it is dealing with dirty nappies, but that’s seriously been the least of my worries. I’d rather change dirty nappies all day long than try to figure out why Harley won’t sleep or what’s causing her to cry. But I have learned a lot in this first week with her.

I think the biggest thing has been to believe in myself. Somehow, I know how to be a mom. not just any mom, but Harley’s mom. I may have picked up some cool tips and advice from people and articles along the way, but the implementation and differentiations are all me. A week into this, and I’m trusting myself in a whole new way – this is more than living my own life according to my own rules, it’s raising a new life, and doing it the way I think is best is really the only option. But here are some lessons learned so far. Continue Reading

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Exhaustion, blues, or postpartum depression?

January 11, 2016 Zoe

Harley and I have had a weird journey so far. Starting out under such traumatic circumstances, we didn’t get to have that typical “bond in the first moments of life” that I was hoping for/planning on while pregnant. Then she was in the NICU and I took on the role of supermom as much as possible – pumping to have her exclusively breast fed, holding her as much as possible and doing everything I could to be an awesome mom to her. Then she came home.

The first day with her was utterly terrifying. I mean, I knew how to do the basics like clean her, change her, feed her, etc. But to know what she wanted when she would scream and wail? Not so much. It was incredibly daunting, but as everyone promised, it did get easier. Then there was a rough night that left me utterly exhausted and I became convinced that Dean and I had made a terrible mistake having this child. She felt like an awful house guest who would never leave, and I was devastated. Thankfully that feeling passed, but I have been keeping tabs on my emotional state. Continue Reading

5 Comments Parenting, Rambling

Baby blues Motherhood Parenting

Exclusively breast feeding, without nursing yet – a premature beginning

December 17, 2015 Zoe

Entering this world when I was only 32 weeks pregnant, not much about Harley’s birth went to plan. Eclampsia, an emergency C-section and extensive recovery were not what I wanted, and it made me worried about an important plan of mine. I really wanted to breast feed my baby; not just breast feed, but I was hoping to exclusively breast feed. It wasn’t set in stone – I’d known enough moms who had struggled and I would never judge anyone (including myself) about this stuff, but I really wanted to be able to feed my little munchkin. After everything that happened, I was worried that I might not be able to.

While still in the ICU, the physio came to see me, and she was so helpful about a range of things, one of which was the breast feeding. She pushed down on my (incredibly sore) boobs, and out came the tiniest bit of milk. My milk had come in, and I was raring to start using it. Of course, it wasn’t quite so easy. Continue Reading

5 Comments Parenting, Premie

Breast Feeding Motherhood Preemie

A day of reconciliation about my staggered entry into motherhood

December 16, 2015 Zoe

Today, South Africa marks its Day of Reconciliation. It’s all about reconciling differences and working towards national unity. However, for me, I’ve been more consumed with trying to reconcile different aspects of myself, of what I’ve gone through, and of what this all means for the future. I knew that parenthood would mean that nothing goes according to plan, but it feels like something more than that at the moment.

Thus far, being a good mother has meant different things than I thought it would. At this point, I should still be pregnant, with being a good mom pretty much meaning that I would be taking care of myself, maybe playing music for Harley or talking to her, and getting all my things in order to prepare for her arrival – stuff like buying a cot and a car seat and all the rest. Instead, she is already out of my body but not in my home, and my role as her mother is a bit different than I’d planned. Continue Reading

5 Comments Parenting, Premie, South Africa

Breast Feeding Kangaroo Care Time Motherhood

“Next time I see you, you’ll be a mom”

October 14, 2015 Zoe

Motherhood still feels quite a ways away. There are moments in the day when I’m caught up in work, or hanging out with Dean on the couch, and I actually forget I’m pregnant. Sure, the heartburn and ever growing stomach and giant swollen ankles serve as pretty decent reminders when Harley isn’t kicking up a storm, but there are periods in the day when I’m not thinking about being knocked up and what that means for the future. But then there are also massive reminders that sort of blow my mind, and this weekend I got one of them.

One of our awesome Lazygamer people, Darryn, doesn’t live in Joburg. That means that when rAge rolls around, he flies up to Gauteng to join in the cosplay and general fun times of the gaming weekend. Last year, he crashed on my couch and we had a whole lot of fun. Of course we wanted to repeat the fun time again this year, and thus he ended up on my couch again. We had a ridiculously busy few days together and then all of a sudden it was Sunday and time for him to head home. We were saying our farewells and one of the last things he said to me was “next time I see you, you’ll be a mom”. Holy. Crap. Continue Reading

4 Comments Pregnancy

Mom Motherhood Pregnancy