Tag Archives: Parenting

How raising a daughter is making me rethink feminism

feminism kid

My mom was a hilarious feminist when I was growing up. We still laugh how when I was potty trained, she had offered to buy me ANYTHING I wanted, and I asked for a Barbie. This made her so conflicted, and she ended up buying me Doctor Barbie; when I’d comment on how pretty her hair was or her pretty dress, she’d tell me “She’s a physician, a respected member of the community!” – we still howl with laughter. When I was a bit older and wanted to wear eye shadow, she said that first we needed to “discuss the political ramifications of makeup”- one of my all time favorite phrases to this day.

It was all part of her quest to raise me as an empowered and confident woman, something that I want to do for Harley as well. While I’m not as worried about dolls or makeup, I am worried about the world I’m raising her in. I recently read a brilliant article about a mom’s take on the whole transgender bathroom debate. For her, it has nothing to do with bathrooms, she isn’t worried about  her daughter getting assaulted in the ladies room. No, she’s worried about the statistical likelihood that her daughter will be pressured into underage sex, or drugs, or drinking. She’s worried about the statistical likelihood that her baby will be violently raped before the age of 35, that she’ll be a victim of institutionalized sexism. Continue Reading

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Why I think singing to my baby will help her

singing or headset

I’ve been exposing Harley to music since she was in the womb. No, I didn’t play Mozart at her in utero, but simply made a point to listen to some of my favorite songs every day so that they’d be familiar to her. I’ve continued to play them, albeit less regularly, since she was born. I knew music calmed her from an early age, and really that’s a reason enough to continue with music in her life. However, there’s more to it.

I noticed it when my mom was visiting, singing songs and playing games with Harley. It reminded me of the songs we used to sing growing up, and how music has the unique ability to stick with us. I still know all 50 states in alphabetical order because of a song I learned in what, fourth grade? Songs from my childhood can come on the radio and I still know every single word, even if I haven’t heard it in over a decade. There’s a power to music, and it makes more sense the more you look at it, making me know it’s the best thing I can do for my baby. Continue Reading

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What a visit from my mom taught me about how I want to mother

mothering a mother

It has been an interesting journey, this mothering thing so far. I’ve thought about a range of things, from not letting my baby “cry it out”, how I gauge our time together, how I assess her progress, and even when and how I will start weaning her. I knew I wanted to raise a genius and a bookworm, as well as a woman who is strong and empowered while still compassionate and loving. I have so many big dreams for Harley, and so many ideas about parenting. But the latest visit from my mom has solidified a bunch of them, and expanded some others even more.

A bit of context – my mom and I are close. We have obviously had our fair share of squabbles or whatever – I don’t know any woman who matures to adulthood without having the teenage fights with her mom – but we got very close when my parents divorced. After my traumatic birthing story, we talked every day on Skype, and have continued to do so ever since. So we are “caught up” as far as telling each other the day to day stuff goes, but also as far as talking about the bigger issues or stories. But it’s still so different being in person. Continue Reading

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Why we need to start thinking about emigrating

I love South Africa. It is my home and Dean and I have been very happy here. We have built a wonderful, comfy life with our little home, our cats, our daughter. We lead a pretty cushy lifestyle, too, with plenty of sushi, nights out, special gifts and whatever else our hearts desire. Both of us have fantastic jobs that we love, and we are just so happy. So why, why are we talking about emigrating?

Just a few months ago, I told all of you that we weren’t thinking about moving. Every country has its issues and there was no compelling reason to even look at leaving South Africa – why move when we have it so good here? Well, I still think that every country has its problems, and we  need to feel our way through this decision, but the more I think about Harley’s future, the more I think that we should probably move somewhere else. Continue Reading

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Missing something is the best sign

I went to an event yesterday. It was in the middle of the day, and ended up taking me away from home for quite a bunch of hours. I was so grateful to have my mom around – she was able to watch Harley and keep in the loop about how things were going so that I could just try to enjoy myself. After being out for over three hours, Harley was starving and my boobs were bursting and we had a wonderful reunion. But it was more than feeding time; I was missing her.

When I’ve missed her before, it was sort of like leaving the house without your bag. It felt like something was missing and I was worried the whole time. But now that Harley is developing her own personality, I actually missed her. Not the idea of her, not nursing or whatever else, I missed her silly smile and laugh. I wanted to cuddle her and love her. And it was the most wonderful sign for me. Continue Reading

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