The first cold front of the season has officially hit Joburg. It is a delightfully cold day today, that I’d be enjoying way more if I weren’t also coming down with a touch of the plague. In fact, I was feeling pretty sorry for myself last night and this morning – it sucks enough to be sick, but even more not to be able to take any of the good drugs. Apparently my normal cold meds aren’t allowed while breastfeeding, so I just have to take some silly painkillers and cough lozenges and hope for the best. There are homeopathic remedies, but those simply don’t work for me.
So yeah, I was sniffling and feeling tired and sorry for myself last night. But then I had some awesome cuddles while breastfeeding Harley, and I was reminded why I’m not taking cold meds. She needs me right now. I am her only and complete source of nourishment. How could I do anything else?
As the cold front has blown in, I’ve dressed her more warmly in her adorable fleece SuperBaby outfit. She is like a little stuffed animal. She is a soft, cuddly, sometimes squirmy and crying hot water bottle that is keeping me warm, inside and out. I look at her tiny adorable face and I simply melt. How did I make such a perfect little human? She is already so much bigger than she was, but she is still so tiny – my little person. And I am her mommy. I am the one she grins at, the one she looks at for sustenance, the one who holds her for hours every day.
On the one hand, I have been looking forward to milestones to come. I’m excited for her to sit on her own so that I can put her on a blanket with her toys and not need to hold her all day. I’m excited for her to speak even singular words so that she can tell us what she needs. As Sharon said on her blog today, it’s like wishing away the time to get to the next “easier” moment.
But luckily, on a day like today, I’m actually savoring this moment. It’s not easy. In fact, it sucks to be sick and still need to take care of a tiny, helpless little being. But at the same time, she is adorable and trusting and far too sweet. She will never be this small again, and she will only be baby for a little bit longer before becoming a toddler. So today, I’m enjoying her. She is keeping me warm with her cuddles, and warming my heart with her smiles and babble. Life may not be perfect, but this moment feels pretty close.