Browsing Category: Rambling

Why I’m not sharing more baby photos

photos

We live in a strange age, with questions and concerns that are new for all of us to navigate. When I was growing up, my parents could take as many photos of me as they wanted. Those would then be sent to be developed (yes, this was an age of film) and we would wait with anticipation to see how they turned out. Most pictures ended up in a folder or a box, some occasionally being selected for framing or blowing up to larger size and then displayed or shrunk down to be carried in a wallet.

Now, photos have a different meaning. With our smart phones, it’s so easy to take pictures throughout the day and instantly see how they turned out, send them on to friends and post them online. It’s a normal part of our day to day lives and most of us don’t even think twice about taking a selfie at an event or snapping some quick photos of our food or locale. But when you add in another human life, things get a bit more complicated, at least in my book. Continue Reading

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How I started to fall in love with my baby

skull bib

About three weeks ago, I wrote a rather miserable post. I was tired, frustrated and totally befuddled by Harley. She would cry and I would panic – what was I supposed to do to fix it? I only really liked her when she slept, and I felt like a horrible mother for it. I started by forgiving myself and accepting that a mother’s love didn’t have to be the typical image we see of it, but just that I kept trying to help her, even when I was clueless. But things really started to get easier when Harley started breastfeeding once she hit her due date; the power of nursing can’t be stressed enough for me. It makes me feel close to her, and gives me more agency because I feel there is something I can physically do to stop her crying, more than just shoving a bottle in her mouth.

But while things were improving, the process of falling in love with her was also moving along. Our massage class helped so much, and continues to help. It’s so great learning new things that I can do with her. I had planned on reading to her, playing games and other activities as she got older, but when she’s just a blob it felt like I couldn’t really do much with her. Now, we play with massages, physical games, songs, and tummy time. I can’t believe the surge of pride I feel when I see how strong she is, how I keep telling anyone who will listen that she’s going to be a genius. Slowly, I’ve realized that I’m growing to love her. Continue Reading

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Is my baby torturing me? Not at the moment!

We have ways of making you talk! Okay, I don’t, but the CIA and other agencies do. Enhanced interrogation, aka torture, can include a wide range of activities. Technically, torturing another human is illegal according to international agreements, but it still happens. Don’t worry, I promise this isn’t such a dark post on a Friday! You see, over on Cracked.com, they compared techniques for breaking down prisoners with activities performed by babies, and it’s kinda hilarious.

There are five techniques listed: sleep deprivation; solitary confinement; sound torture; stress positions; and food and drink deprivation. Sleep deprivation is unavoidable, although as I already explained I think I’ve adapted to Harley’s unique form of this. Yes, I’m still tired most days, but I usually hit my stride and I’m not so sleep deprived as to become moody or to impair my judgement or driving abilities. Perhaps Harley is torturing me, but she’s doing it relatively mildly. But what about the other techniques? Continue Reading

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Redefining a good night’s sleep

Last night, I got a pretty good night’s sleep. Now, before you get jealous, let’s qualify that statement. Harley went to bed at around 10 after being a fussy nightmare from 5 in the evening. She slept until 2am, when I woke up and nursed her, getting her back to sleep by 2:30ish. She woke up again at 5am and went back to sleep at about 5:30, giving me ten minutes to lie back in bed before my alarm went off.

As little miss 8 hours sleep, I never would have believe 6.5 hours of interrupted sleep would ever feel like a glorious night of rest, but it seems that my body has adapted in the month since getting Harley home. In fact, I don’t even feel like I need a nap today (although I may reconsider this evening), and I feel full of energy. Maybe it’s all relative, though, and I feel so well rested as compared to what some nights have been like, but I think there are a few factors in that. Continue Reading

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Two months old today

Today, Harley is two months old. Sure, with her being born eight weeks premature that means she’s essentially a week old, but that’s also not entirely true. Her development, and mine as her mother, lies somewhere in between. Milestones are a bit odd for both of us – she is far and away ahead of where you’d expect a one week old to be, but not quite where a two month old would be either. Meanwhile, I’m slowly starting to fall in love with her every day, and finding my feet as a mom as well.

I still find it hard to think of myself as a mom. I obviously am one, but it hasn’t settled in as a way of defining myself just yet. While I take care of Harley, and mother her in the best way that I know how, it isn’t as innate a self descriptor as woman, gamer, geek, wife or friend is – I suppose that will come in time, just like her ability to smile in response to stimulus or grab things put in front of her. Continue Reading

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