Browsing Category: Rambling

Real vs imagined connections

I have been desperate for Dean to feel Harley’s kicks. I can feel her moving, growing and generally doing her thing inside me and it’s so magical every time… except when she’s throwing her 3am dance parties. It makes the whole thing feel that much more real (and sometimes alien) and I want to share it with Dean. With her kicks getting stronger and more predictable, I tried to get his hand in the right spot at the right time to feel her movements. This weekend, I thought I had managed, but I think the movements were a bit too far under the surface as Dean said he couldn’t feel anything but gurgling that could have just been my stomach rumbling (it wasn’t).

That tiny disappointment, combined with a series of work disappointments was making me feel a bit down going in to the rAge weekend. For those who don’t know, rAge is a massive gaming expo that takes place each year in Joburg where tons of gaming media, distributors, community and fans gather in the ridiculously hot and sweaty Dome and get to play games, buy merch and generally have a rad time. I was feeling a bit down about it, mostly because there were a few people I had considered friends who had turned out to be lying to me. I was feeling like maybe I was wrong all along, and like the possible stomach gurgling, maybe my connections with people weren’t magical but were simply imagined. Thankfully, I was proved wrong. Continue Reading

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Because friendships matter

It’s weird that while growing a future human who will be related to me, I’m thinking more about friends than family. It’s not to say that family isn’t important – obviously having an awesome family can make a huge difference and I want to be the ultimate support structure for my little Harley. However, my thoughts have been going towards a lot of my friends lately, and how important they are in my life, how they keep me sane and make me laugh and I wouldn’t be the same without them.

When Dean and I were getting married, a lot of people were throwing around that cliche about marrying your best friend, and I would laugh at them. I adore my husband. There is no one else on this planet who I could wake up next to every day and never get sick of, who makes me laugh every day. Dean does his best to make me happy each and every day, which is something that I do for him as well. We are beyond compatible and I couldn’t ask for a better partner, but he isn’t my best friend. There is something different in a friend, which includes the ability to moan about that same awesome partner, which is absolutely invaluable. Continue Reading

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Bad dreams and positive thinking

creepy doll

Before I knew if I was having a little boy or a little girl, I had two dreams. In both of them, Harley was already born and a girl. I still wasn’t sure if I was growing a boy or a girl, but the dreams were interesting and when it turned out she was a girl after all, it was a cute little story to tell. Last night, I had another dream, and it wasn’t such a cute story.

I had a horrible nightmare last night, one that was probably born of my fears and insecurities. Basically, Harley was already born, and was sleeping with me and Dean in the bed. I woke up to find her dead. Actually, she didn’t look dead in my dream, she looked like a creepy, battered doll, but I kept crying in the dream that my baby was dead. Then I woke up with stiff fingers and a sore heart to my alarm clock all too early. Continue Reading

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A Born Geek makeover

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I don’t normally like to blog about blogging – it just seems so meta. However, I suppose it has to be done sometimes, and this is one of those times. If you’ve been reading my words for the past month or so, I have to thank and commend you – I know my original format wasn’t pretty. It was mainly just a way to get started, to try out this whole geek mommy blogging thing and see how it went. I sort of fell in love with it, and so I’ve decided to show my commitment to sticking to it by actually getting some help to upgrade the site.

I love the new design – you can find all my social channels, so please do like and follow me everywhere. Also, you can start from the beginning or browse by category if you’re so inclined. I’m just glad that everything feels more user-friendly and ready to grow, much like my stomach at the moment. This blog is sort of like a different bun in the oven, one that was cooked more quickly than the one growing inside me, but that has helped me meet a bunch of new people already and has already made me so proud.

Big thanks to everyone for reading my words thus far, and I’m looking forward to continuing to share this journey with you all.

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Forever foreign

I love South Africa. I love my South African husband, I love my home (although I definitely want to get a bigger house ASAP), I love my cats and I love my day to day life here. It was a choice we made to settle in Joburg, and despite the ridiculous Rand/Dollar exchange rate, I’m still feeling like it was a good decision to make.

Of course, it isn’t always easy. I’m not just talking about cultural differences or contexts that I’m still discovering after seven years here. Those are mostly entertaining or interesting for me, and a whole load of fun. No, I’m talking about how this country continues to make me feel like a stranger in a strange land.

Dean and I got married in Community of Property. I know, I know, that was probably some fatal mistake and all of you will now think I’m an idiot. But, from when we started dating, we always just took care of each other. If he had money, he’d stock my fridge and when I had cash I’d restock his. We’d take turns buying each other drinks or dinners and it was generally just a balanced exchange without really needing to talk about it. When I decided to move to South Africa to be with him, he wanted for everything to be shared, giving me full powers on his bank account and we always treated our money as just that – OUR money. Continue Reading

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