Browsing Category: Rambling

Is “be the bigger person” always the best lesson?

Like most people, I learned the lesson growing up that sometimes life wasn’t going to be fair. Things don’t always work out the way that we feel they should, but that it’s more about behaving as a good person that will hopefully make a difference in this world. If we all gave up on being good people, the world would go into decline – someone has to set a good example.

When I was little, my mom used to refer to this as “taking the higher path”. There are always options in life, we can behave in a myriad ways, but it’s by choosing to be a better human that we can do good and hopefully move other people to do the same. It’s important to me that I raise Harley to be a good person, but I’m wondering what that actually means. Continue Reading

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Days like this

It’s hot, I’m uncomfortable, I’m tired and generally feeling overwhelmed and sorry for myself today. I can’t help but feel like I’m a mess today, and I guess that’s okay, but it still isn’t fun. At this point, I wish that there were a nice cool cave for me to disappear into for the next few weeks – to avoid the heat and to avoid everything else that’s going on in life.

I know here are good days and bad days in any time in life. I can’t expect to go nine months without having days when I just want to curl up and disappear. And I also know that it’s up to me to decide if I’m going to have a good day or a bad day. It’s always in our own power to change our outlook and decide to change our experience of a day. At this point, though, I’m just not sure I have the oomph to get there. Maybe I’ll feel better after a swim, but right now, this day just isn’t working for me. Continue Reading

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Why I blog

It’s hot. Joburg is currently experiencing a heat wave that makes me want to die. Yesterday, I went swimming twice, and I think that I will do the same today. I was going to blog about living as a puddle for this week, but thanks to some conversations recently with a bunch of people, I realized that some of you might not really understand the point of this blog. I don’t think I’ve even totally clarified it for myself, so I might as well do the meta thing and blog about blogging.

I have been a long time diary keeper. Journaling has helped me figure things out, from how I feel about various people and situation, to actions that I think will be best. Writing on a regular basis helped strengthen the muscle, making it easier to write articles and other pieces on a regular basis. I still occasionally write in a journal, mostly because I love the feeling of putting (fountain) pen to paper, but this blog has taken over as my primary place of working things through. Continue Reading

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Real vs imagined connections

I have been desperate for Dean to feel Harley’s kicks. I can feel her moving, growing and generally doing her thing inside me and it’s so magical every time… except when she’s throwing her 3am dance parties. It makes the whole thing feel that much more real (and sometimes alien) and I want to share it with Dean. With her kicks getting stronger and more predictable, I tried to get his hand in the right spot at the right time to feel her movements. This weekend, I thought I had managed, but I think the movements were a bit too far under the surface as Dean said he couldn’t feel anything but gurgling that could have just been my stomach rumbling (it wasn’t).

That tiny disappointment, combined with a series of work disappointments was making me feel a bit down going in to the rAge weekend. For those who don’t know, rAge is a massive gaming expo that takes place each year in Joburg where tons of gaming media, distributors, community and fans gather in the ridiculously hot and sweaty Dome and get to play games, buy merch and generally have a rad time. I was feeling a bit down about it, mostly because there were a few people I had considered friends who had turned out to be lying to me. I was feeling like maybe I was wrong all along, and like the possible stomach gurgling, maybe my connections with people weren’t magical but were simply imagined. Thankfully, I was proved wrong. Continue Reading

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Because friendships matter

It’s weird that while growing a future human who will be related to me, I’m thinking more about friends than family. It’s not to say that family isn’t important – obviously having an awesome family can make a huge difference and I want to be the ultimate support structure for my little Harley. However, my thoughts have been going towards a lot of my friends lately, and how important they are in my life, how they keep me sane and make me laugh and I wouldn’t be the same without them.

When Dean and I were getting married, a lot of people were throwing around that cliche about marrying your best friend, and I would laugh at them. I adore my husband. There is no one else on this planet who I could wake up next to every day and never get sick of, who makes me laugh every day. Dean does his best to make me happy each and every day, which is something that I do for him as well. We are beyond compatible and I couldn’t ask for a better partner, but he isn’t my best friend. There is something different in a friend, which includes the ability to moan about that same awesome partner, which is absolutely invaluable. Continue Reading

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