The ends of the earth

ends of the earth

As I’ve gotten older, I’m even more amused and intrigued by the difference between what people say and what they do. I truly value the people who have those two things align, but I know it’s so very rare. Sometimes it’s a good thing, like when any of us get upset and talk about what we feel like doing. But sometimes, it shows a real disconnect in terms of what we imagine we would do for someone and where our boundaries actually lie. Nothing says it for me more than the phrase “but I would go to the ends of the earth for you/him/her”.  Continue Reading

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Equality is impossible so suck it up

A big thrust of my goals with Harley has been to raise her in a fairly gender neutral way. I want her to know that girls and women can do anything, be anything. If she wants to be a doctor, an astronaut, or president, she can do exactly that. And I totally stand by that goal. I also wanted to raise her to not feel imposed upon by society’s gender norms, but I realize that’s not really up to me.

I believe in fighting against inequality in all its manifestations. It’s only by fighting the gender wage gap, the pink tax, awful rape culture and systemic gender stereotypes that we can change the world. But even as we fight, we have to be realistic about what is expected of women and girls, and how we have to play the game to be successful. Continue Reading

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Is bullying ever okay?

Bullying is awful and a big deal. I don’t envy kids today – thanks to social media, school bullying doesn’t end with the last bell and can cause serious psychological scars. But it’s not just kids who get bullied. There’s that woman who accidentally shared a picture intended for her husband with a whole Whatsapp group, who is being shamed by almost all of South Africa through the continual sharing of her picture. Or the parents of the kid who fell in with Harambe, who were blamed and accused of being bad parents. Or anyone who is shamed in shopping centers for breastfeeding, or for having a toddler throw a tantrum, or for going back to work, or for not going back to work… the list goes on and on.

I often write about feeling judged, about my continual affirmation that no one can tell me how to raise my kid. I’ve talked about not apologizing when Harley cries, or about how I know what’s best for my little one and how irritated I get when other people tell me that she must be cold or need to eat differently. I am adamant that every baby is different and that I don’t care what people do – if they want to use disposable or cloth nappies, if they opt for breast or bottle, if they stay home or work, if kids are put in creche/day care or stay home with a nanny or au pair. Everyone needs to make life work for them, and who am I to judge anyone for any of those decisions? So I’ve been a bit taken aback by a new instinct I’ve had. Continue Reading

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Thoughts on a 9-month old baby

I have been staring at a blank screen for 5 minutes now. I had all sorts of thoughts and ideas that I wanted to write about what it feels like to have a 9-month old baby. But I managed to get her to take a nap, and instead of working furiously as usual when she sleeps, I’ve just been enjoying the quiet for a bit. Which I suppose is the biggest change, the biggest shift in who I am and how I see the world. Nine months down the line, and it feels as if Harley has brought a new version of me into the world.

I keep thinking about one aspect of time, over and over again. Harley came eight weeks early. I didn’t get the full nine months of pregnancy, I didn’t get to go into labor; I had a very unique jump into motherhood. And yet, in my head, pregnancy still lasts nine months. In my head, this month-iversary is an important one because it would normally mark a point when Harley would have spent as much time outside my body as she did inside. Of course, we already hit that point a couple months ago, Still, this feels like a milestone celebration. Continue Reading

2 Comments Parenting, Rambling

When should you apologize for your baby crying

There’s a story that I’ve seen a few times on social media. It seems sorta cool at first. It shows a picture of a bag with candy and ear plugs and a cute note – parents apparently have started passing these out when they fly.  It’s meant to make the other passengers feel nicer towards the crying baby on the plane, mollified with sucking candy and earplugs and a note explaining that the baby can’t help it but doesn’t mean any harm and that people can come visit in seat such and such. It was a cool idea, I thought at first.

Then I saw an article against it, saying that babies will cry on planes, it’s just that simple. And to apologize for it is the same as apologizing for any other aspect of travel that everyone has to live with. Sure, it sucks to be next to a baby that cries for hours of your flight. But the reality is that most babies only really cry during takeoff and landing, and maybe a bit in the middle bits. The rest is normal baby stuff, normal life stuff about spending time in close proximity to other humans while you move around the world. It might be a cute idea, but it sets up a strange kind of expectation for parents to make other people okay with their baby’s crying. Why do we all apologize for it, and when should we? Continue Reading

1 Comment Parenting, Rambling