Tag Archives: Mom

Becoming a mom changed my view of my mom

mom

When people ask, I say that my mom and I have always been close. It’s funny, though, when she and my father were going through their awful, drawn out divorce, we had tearful conversations about how hadn’t felt close when I was growing up. But then we went back and read our diaries and found at the time, we actually had always felt close – both writing about going for coffee together, visiting museums, and all our funny jokes that just we shared. Obviously, we had the usual dramas and tears that adolescence brought; at one point I even shouted “you don’t know me and I don’t know you” during a fight, only to laugh about it a couple hours later.

As I’ve grown into adulthood, we’ve stayed close. At some points growing closer together and at others further apart. But we always spoke, we always shared pretty much everything, and we have always based everything on the foundation of loving each other no matter what. Even when we disagree, we can usually at least see where the other person is coming from. We get each other in a profound way, and our relationship has been such a solid part of my life. And having Harley made things even more meaningful for me. Continue Reading

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2 Comments Parenting, Rambling

Equality is impossible so suck it up

A big thrust of my goals with Harley has been to raise her in a fairly gender neutral way. I want her to know that girls and women can do anything, be anything. If she wants to be a doctor, an astronaut, or president, she can do exactly that. And I totally stand by that goal. I also wanted to raise her to not feel imposed upon by society’s gender norms, but I realize that’s not really up to me.

I believe in fighting against inequality in all its manifestations. It’s only by fighting the gender wage gap, the pink tax, awful rape culture and systemic gender stereotypes that we can change the world. But even as we fight, we have to be realistic about what is expected of women and girls, and how we have to play the game to be successful. Continue Reading

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26 Comments Rambling

Socks and food and other baby dramas

baby feet

I never really interacted much with moms or babies before joining this special tribe of motherhood. I didn’t particularly like babies. I mean sure, they’re cute and stuff, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to look at one or ooh and aah. But, if I saw a pregnant woman or family with small children walking towards a closed door or carrying things, I’d always open doors or offer to help; if waiting behind a mother and child in the checkout at a store I’d smile, make faces at the kid and maybe tell the mom or dad how adorable or charming their child was.

You know, normal, good human being stuff. But I’d never try to hold someone’s person, I tried to avoid asking weirdly personal questions, and generally just limited my engagement to compliments and smiles or understanding before moving on. I wish more people were like me from back then. Continue Reading

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39 Comments Parenting, Rambling

To Harley on her 7th month

Harley smile

 

Dear Harley,

I write this as you sleep on my chest. You’ve spent most of the morning either on me, or crying because you want to be on me. I’m a bit worn out, and struggling to get any work done, and yet I’m totally okay with that. You see, today you turn seven months old. You are so much bigger than you were seven months ago, and so much more fun. It was hard in the beginning with you, but now we have such a great time together, it feels like all the bad stuff has faded into distant memory.

At the moment, the hardest thing with you is your separation anxiety. It’s a new development, and a totally normal one. You see, you’ve finally figured out that you and I are two separate beings, and that I can be further away or closer to you. You obviously prefer being close. All the time. And as hard as it is when I need to work or eat or shower or sleep, it’s amazing to know that this tiny little person you are knows who I am, and wants me around. Continue Reading

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1 Comment Parenting

Yup, I’m still myself

I'm still myself

Motherhood is a big deal, and certainly changes a lot. It’s why I write about baby stuff, and parenting, and motherhood, and a whole host of other topics. Motherhood has changed me in some ways – I am even more sensitive to certain issues and current events, and I spend a good portion of my day singing The Itsy Bitsy Spider instead of watching hilariously graphic YouTube videos. But, that doesn’t mean I’m not still the same person that I always was.

Awesome friend of this blog, Cassey Toi sent me a great link yesterday. The writer talks about how she isn’t a shadow of her former self, she’s still in there. And no, maybe she doesn’t go out drinking the way she used to, but she’s also in her 30s now. This bit in particular resonated for me: Continue Reading

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