Tag Archives: Motherhood

Equality is impossible so suck it up

A big thrust of my goals with Harley has been to raise her in a fairly gender neutral way. I want her to know that girls and women can do anything, be anything. If she wants to be a doctor, an astronaut, or president, she can do exactly that. And I totally stand by that goal. I also wanted to raise her to not feel imposed upon by society’s gender norms, but I realize that’s not really up to me.

I believe in fighting against inequality in all its manifestations. It’s only by fighting the gender wage gap, the pink tax, awful rape culture and systemic gender stereotypes that we can change the world. But even as we fight, we have to be realistic about what is expected of women and girls, and how we have to play the game to be successful. Continue Reading

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Thoughts on a 9-month old baby

I have been staring at a blank screen for 5 minutes now. I had all sorts of thoughts and ideas that I wanted to write about what it feels like to have a 9-month old baby. But I managed to get her to take a nap, and instead of working furiously as usual when she sleeps, I’ve just been enjoying the quiet for a bit. Which I suppose is the biggest change, the biggest shift in who I am and how I see the world. Nine months down the line, and it feels as if Harley has brought a new version of me into the world.

I keep thinking about one aspect of time, over and over again. Harley came eight weeks early. I didn’t get the full nine months of pregnancy, I didn’t get to go into labor; I had a very unique jump into motherhood. And yet, in my head, pregnancy still lasts nine months. In my head, this month-iversary is an important one because it would normally mark a point when Harley would have spent as much time outside my body as she did inside. Of course, we already hit that point a couple months ago, Still, this feels like a milestone celebration. Continue Reading

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2 Comments Parenting, Rambling

When should you apologize for your baby crying

There’s a story that I’ve seen a few times on social media. It seems sorta cool at first. It shows a picture of a bag with candy and ear plugs and a cute note – parents apparently have started passing these out when they fly.  It’s meant to make the other passengers feel nicer towards the crying baby on the plane, mollified with sucking candy and earplugs and a note explaining that the baby can’t help it but doesn’t mean any harm and that people can come visit in seat such and such. It was a cool idea, I thought at first.

Then I saw an article against it, saying that babies will cry on planes, it’s just that simple. And to apologize for it is the same as apologizing for any other aspect of travel that everyone has to live with. Sure, it sucks to be next to a baby that cries for hours of your flight. But the reality is that most babies only really cry during takeoff and landing, and maybe a bit in the middle bits. The rest is normal baby stuff, normal life stuff about spending time in close proximity to other humans while you move around the world. It might be a cute idea, but it sets up a strange kind of expectation for parents to make other people okay with their baby’s crying. Why do we all apologize for it, and when should we? Continue Reading

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1 Comment Parenting, Rambling

A morning out to see Disney Africa’s showcase

On Thursday, it was time for the annual Disney Africa showcase. This is one of my favorite events every year. Sure, there are amazing game launches throughout the year, and an overseas trip for work is amazing, but staying local and doing the local event scene, Disney Africa has this down to an art. The Venue in Melrose is ideal for it – big enough to accommodate everyone without feeling too crowded or too empty. Plus, there is great food and a cool brand showing their stuff. It was to be my first morning out without Harley for more than half an hour or an hour.

Leading up to it, I was so nervous. Harley has been super clingy lately – it’s about the right timing for her to have intense separation anxiety as she understands that we are separate people now and wants me to always be around her. We play lots of peekaboo, and I always tell her that even when I go away, I always come back. I’ve been doing everything I can to try and help her understand this, but I’m not too sure it’s actually working just yet. Continue Reading

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9 Comments Geek, Parenting

Equality in parenting, a Women’s Day ramble reprised

Women's Day

Today is Women’s Day in South Africa. Last year, I wrote about it while pregnant, wondering how much equality there was in parenting. It was sort of a wondering blog, about feminism and parenting. I wondered just how much of the burden would be on me, just how much of the childcare would fall to me, and just how equal I could expect things to be even with the most loving and awesome husband. A year later, I have some answers, although I expect the answers will continue to change in the coming years.

So far, I do the lion’s share of the parenting. When Harley cries in the middle of the night, I’m always the one to take care of her. A big part of that is that I’ve got the boobs. I’m the only one in the marriage who is uniquely equipped to feed and soothe her. We tried the pumping thing, but once Harley started latching on the boob, she really and truly hated the bottle, so it simply isn’t a solution for us. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t some form of equality in how Dean and I handle things. Continue Reading

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Comment Marriage, Parenting, Rambling