Tag Archives: Motherhood

How raising a daughter is making me rethink feminism

feminism kid

My mom was a hilarious feminist when I was growing up. We still laugh how when I was potty trained, she had offered to buy me ANYTHING I wanted, and I asked for a Barbie. This made her so conflicted, and she ended up buying me Doctor Barbie; when I’d comment on how pretty her hair was or her pretty dress, she’d tell me “She’s a physician, a respected member of the community!” – we still howl with laughter. When I was a bit older and wanted to wear eye shadow, she said that first we needed to “discuss the political ramifications of makeup”- one of my all time favorite phrases to this day.

It was all part of her quest to raise me as an empowered and confident woman, something that I want to do for Harley as well. While I’m not as worried about dolls or makeup, I am worried about the world I’m raising her in. I recently read a brilliant article about a mom’s take on the whole transgender bathroom debate. For her, it has nothing to do with bathrooms, she isn’t worried about  her daughter getting assaulted in the ladies room. No, she’s worried about the statistical likelihood that her daughter will be pressured into underage sex, or drugs, or drinking. She’s worried about the statistical likelihood that her baby will be violently raped before the age of 35, that she’ll be a victim of institutionalized sexism. Continue Reading

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2 Comments Parenting

How could I already forget?

forget with time

Harley is my cuddly little bear. She seems to be getting a bit clingy, which honestly is fine by me considering this weather – it’s so nice to cuddle up with her and keep each other warm and happy. While she is hitting milestones and definitely growing up, I still see her as my tiny little person, my little baby. But this weekend I realized that she really isn’t so little anymore.

We went to go see our friends on Saturday to meet their tiny person who may or may not already be betrothed to Harley (their surname is Davids, so if she marries him she’ll be Harley Davids… and if she has a son with him he’d be Harley Davids’ son. That’s enough reason for an arranged marriage, right?). He was only 12 days old, and weighed less than 4kgs. He was beyond tiny, and adorable, and helpless – just a little newborn. I got to hold him, and it was amazing to remember that Harley was that big not so long ago. In fact, she was way smaller. How could I have already forgotten how that felt? Continue Reading

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1 Comment Rambling

Why I think singing to my baby will help her

singing or headset

I’ve been exposing Harley to music since she was in the womb. No, I didn’t play Mozart at her in utero, but simply made a point to listen to some of my favorite songs every day so that they’d be familiar to her. I’ve continued to play them, albeit less regularly, since she was born. I knew music calmed her from an early age, and really that’s a reason enough to continue with music in her life. However, there’s more to it.

I noticed it when my mom was visiting, singing songs and playing games with Harley. It reminded me of the songs we used to sing growing up, and how music has the unique ability to stick with us. I still know all 50 states in alphabetical order because of a song I learned in what, fourth grade? Songs from my childhood can come on the radio and I still know every single word, even if I haven’t heard it in over a decade. There’s a power to music, and it makes more sense the more you look at it, making me know it’s the best thing I can do for my baby. Continue Reading

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2 Comments Child Development, Parenting

Kids or friends

I have some wonderful friends. Some of them have come through for me in massive ways, supporting me while Harley was in the NICU, coming over for wine or meeting for lunches since she’s been home, and generally just being awesome and supportive. I remember trying to do the same when I had friends with babies – going to their house if easier, being the one to reach out more because I figured they were busy, that sorta thing. It just makes me sad to realize that I’m also losing friends now.

Before Dean and I decided we wanted to spawn a minion, he told me that I could choose, kids or cats. I opted for cats, and we have two adorable furry babies. Unlike those little ones, though, it seems that procreating has gotten in the way of my social life. At least for some friends. But I’m wondering how much of a bad thing that is. Continue Reading

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9 Comments Rambling

On breastfeeding, 5.5 months in

breastfeeding gorilla

There was never any doubt in my mind that I wanted to breastfeed my little one. Before I knew that I was having a little girl, I knew that I wanted to nurse her. Back then, there were so many reasons that I thought I knew – it was healthier, “breast is best” and it’s free. What more could I want? Besides, I figured that my mom was a La Leche League leader back in the day, so she could help me if I ran into any problems. So, with everything sorted, I figured that was that. But it’s been so different than I imagined.

First of all, I never would have thought that my first couple months on this journey would mean pumping instead of nursing. Thanks to Harley being so premature and in the NICU for 5 weeks, I had to pump for her and deliver the milk every day. Then she came home and simply wouldn’t latch. I was devastated about it, but at least she was still getting the good stuff with the pumping. Thankfully, once she was a bit bigger, she latched like a champ, and has been a boobie monster ever since. That has come with its own unique ups and downs. Continue Reading

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6 Comments Breast feeding, Parenting