Browsing Category: Marriage

Equality in parenting, a Women’s Day ramble reprised

Women's Day

Today is Women’s Day in South Africa. Last year, I wrote about it while pregnant, wondering how much equality there was in parenting. It was sort of a wondering blog, about feminism and parenting. I wondered just how much of the burden would be on me, just how much of the childcare would fall to me, and just how equal I could expect things to be even with the most loving and awesome husband. A year later, I have some answers, although I expect the answers will continue to change in the coming years.

So far, I do the lion’s share of the parenting. When Harley cries in the middle of the night, I’m always the one to take care of her. A big part of that is that I’ve got the boobs. I’m the only one in the marriage who is uniquely equipped to feed and soothe her. We tried the pumping thing, but once Harley started latching on the boob, she really and truly hated the bottle, so it simply isn’t a solution for us. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t some form of equality in how Dean and I handle things. Continue Reading

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8 reasons I love my eight month old

Harley is eight months old today. It’s actually amazing for me. I mean, I know time keeps marching on and all that jazz, but it’s just crazy to realize how fast it’s going, how much she is changing, and how much her changes are having an impact on me. It’s hard to believe how much my life has changed in such a short period. I knew things would be completely and irrevocably changed when she arrived, but I don’t think I realized how fast those transformations would come, and how profound they would be.

It seems crazy to think that eight months ago I nearly died. Eight months ago, Harley made her dramatic entrance into this world. Eight months ago, I became a mom. And with her changing so much with every day, here are eight things I love about my eight month old, exactly as she is right now. Continue Reading

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6-7 ways I’ve changed in the past 7.5 months

Mandela Day

It’s Mandela Day here in South Africa, a day when we’re all encouraged to spend 67 minutes to help make South Africa and the world a better place. I will be striving to do that for the next 67 DAYS as a part of #CarseatFullstop, so while it would obviously be great to go volunteer my time somewhere, at least I sort of feel like I’m making a difference. So instead, for Mandela Day, I want to look at the 6 or 7 ways my life has changed since Harley came into this world. Continue Reading

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How dads help as parents

how dads help as parents

I love my husband so very much – I don’t say that often on this blog because I sort of figure that it should go without saying. Besides, my husband doesn’t read my blog (most of the time) and when he does, I doubt he does so to have his ego stroked. Yesterday was Father’s Day, though, and Dean’s first Father’s Day as a dad at that. It’s weird with Harley being so young – she doesn’t know what the day is about, but I still got him a mug with her face on it and a bunch of coffee for him to take to work.

Celebrating Father’s Day has made me think about how dads help as parents. Sure, plenty of kids grow up without a father, and I would never be one to push gender roles at all – I could end up being the one to help her with her math homework, or Dean could be the one to teach her how to cook or bake. But there are certain things that I’ve seen Dean do with Harley that I simply wouldn’t be as good at, and she’s better for having him. Continue Reading

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Mother F-er (baby edition)

sex

Back when I was pregnant, I wrote about sex. At the time, things were a bit weird and awkward. My libido was pretty much normal, and physically I was enjoying sex more than ever thanks to increased blood flow below the waist. However, Dean and I were both struggling with some psychological issues with sexy time – it was weird that my orgasm would give Harley the same chemicals to her brain as it does to mine, and Dean didn’t like that proximity of his member to the tiny baby inside me. I was worried that this was a taste of what was to come. Were we going to develop a madonna/whore complex together, making future intimacy impossible?

Since Harley has been born, things have changed, obviously. I am way, way more tired than I ever imagined that I would be. I knew that a baby would be tiring, but it’s exhausting in a whole other way. You see, it’s not just sleep deprivation. In fact, Harley is mostly sleeping through the night, only waking up once or twice for quick feeds and then back to sleep. However, after a day of bouncing, singing, reading, changing nappies, nursing and whatever else, I am pretty much shattered. When the little on goes down for the night, I’m not far behind on getting into bed. I hardly ever even read before sleep, and finding time for intimacy is more tricky, but not impossible. Continue Reading

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