Tag Archives: Pregnancy

Feelings, migraines and hormones

August 13, 2015 Zoe

I had a horrible migraine today. It still isn’t totally gone, but I’m now able to see out of both eyes and function to some degree. I’ve had migraines for my entire adult life, thanks to hormonal fluctuations. Some women are lucky enough to stop having migraines during pregnancy – I am not one of them. Instead, I am now afflicted with migraines without the support of my trusty narcotic pain killers. It’s not fun and drives home that awful pregnant feeling that my body isn’t totally mine at the moment. I’m sharing it, and it’s not always easy. But it will be worth it.

Meanwhile, I’m feeling a bit more emotional than usual. Not all the time, not to the point where I’m crying over putting parmesan on my pasta or something, but it does feel like my emotions are magnified at the moment. All of them – the ones that make me feel like I’m madly in love with my husband, as well as the ones that make me irritated with coworkers or the ones that make me feel like I have to fight the world.

There’s a part of me that likes to dismiss these feelings. They aren’t ME – I’m the levelheaded geeky girl who can think logically and handle situations “like a normal person”. Whatever that’s supposed to mean.

But then, I remember many years ago, when I was a depressed teenager in therapy, my shrink pointed out that PMS and other hormonal changes didn’t create unreal emotions. I was actually angry/sad/frustrated, but those feelings that were normally quite manageable simply became amplified when hormones were involved. I suppose the same is true of pregnancy hormones – they aren’t creating feelings, but amplifying emotions that are already in existence.

Right now, I want to fire up my console and play games for seven hours straight, I want to block out the world around me and delve into the joy of gaming. I want to read my awesome book. I want to distract myself from the fact that I am feeling such big things all at once. But that’s sort of not the point.

I suppose, like my lack of codeine for migraines, it’s a time in my life to just experience what I’m going through. The good, and the bad. I’m going to try and focus on the feelings that make me feel good, though. I’m excited to spend time with my husband tonight, playing games and being silly. I’m happy to have my gorgeous cats to cuddle with as it gets cold once the sun goes down. And I’m going to put off all the other stuff until tomorrow. Maybe by then my migraine, and oversized emotions, will have subsided.

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1 Comment Pregnancy, Rambling

Superheroes are for boys and other gender crap

August 12, 2015 Zoe

One of the best parts of being pregnant is that I’m now allowed to buy baby clothes. They’re just so cute and it’s making this whole ‘preparing for my whole life to change’ thing much more fun. Plus, it makes me feel like I’m actually doing something other than having weird pains (that are totally normal) and odd food stuff while I grow a person inside me.

I am still unsure if I’m having a little boy or girl, but mostly it doesn’t matter. Either way, I’ll be buying pretty much the same clothes, toys and books. I don’t want to put my kid in gendered clothing – it just seems weird to me. Once he or she is able to choose, I’ll buy stuff according to those tastes, but while I’m forcing my fashion ideas on the tiny creature, it won’t be based on the idea of dressing in a way that represents his or her genitals. Of course, this mentality seems weird to everyone else.

It’s hard to find baby clothes that aren’t gender specific, but I have found some absolutely adorable items. From a “little ass kicker” onesie to my “made with love and science” baby grow, I already love the stuff I’m planning on having the kid wear. Recently, I picked out some more stuff and got some strange looks and comments.

I love the idea of dressing my kid in all sorts of geeky clothes, particularly superheroes. From DC to Marvel and all the awesome indie stuff in between, I think it’s hilarious and way too much fun. I got a Batman onesie that’s just too cute, as well as a Superman fleecy onesie that I wish came in my size. But neither of these were considered normal purchases. The Batman one was apparently too much of a boy’s item while the Superman one was a girl version because the logo was pink. Um, a blue fleece with pink Superman logo, plus it’s ridiculously soft. Also, who cares?

Another discussion was equally distressing for me as people were saying that they would wait to buy any baby presents until they know if it’s a boy or a girl. Um, why? Every child can have a xylophone, building blocks, a dump truck and cuddly toys. Boys can have dolls if they want and girls can play with tool kits. The point is for kids to play and have fun and maybe learn something about how things work – why would such presents be wrong for the kid if it turned out to be a different sex?

Maybe I’m just a raving feminist, or maybe I’m a failed feminist, but I simply don’t see the value in dressing my kid in whatever color to prove to the world to call him or her by a specific pronoun. It sets a tone that I don’t like, one which dictates what’s appropriate to wear (and say and do) depending on the organs between your legs.

Yet again, I feel like I’m already fighting battles before this little one is even born. So many months to go and I’m already exhausted by it all.

1 Comment Geek, Pregnancy

Batman Clothing Feminism

On saying and doing “the right thing”

August 7, 2015 Zoe

I have only been publicly pregnant for a couple weeks now, but one thing has already become abundantly clear – everyone thinks that they know more than me. More than me about parenting, about being pregnant, and about all the things that I should or shouldn’t be doing.

Okay, not everyone. And some people really do know more than us and can offer some helpful advice and ideas. But mostly… wow. I get strange looks when buying my husband his tobacco, and even stranger looks when buying beer and wine for the house. I have people questioning if I’m allowed to eat this or that, or straight up telling me that I shouldn’t. I’ve been advised to adopt all kinds of radical diets, to read up on the dangers of vaccination, and that certain decisions that Dean and I have made simply aren’t right, especially keeping our cats who are apparently going to smother the baby.

"But mommy, I'm your baby!" — “But mommy, I’m your baby!”

The best advice I’ve gotten has been from a few moms: in the end, ignore everyone and just do things however feels right for me and Dean. So that’s what I’m doing.

Yes, I’ve been eating sushi and camembert. I also occasionally have a small splash of white wine in my sparkling water or a sip of Dean’s beer if it’s a nice Kilkenny. I plan to swear in front of my child and promote gender equality in all forms, even if it means fighting for his or her right to wear a school uniform normally reserved for a different gender. I also plan on teaching my kid about all things gaming and tech and want Dean to teach him or her the basics of coding from an early age. You can think I’m an idiot, I think plenty of people are, but this is what feels right and so that’s what I’m doing.

And sometimes, it feels like a horribly lonely experience. Dean isn’t known for saying anything right – it’s something we often joke about. He does things right and looks after me so well and makes me incredibly happy, but he simply doesn’t say the things I want to hear when I ask him for it. But the other night, he said exactly the right thing at the perfect time.

I was getting changed and feeling overwhelmed by a new discomfort in my stomach after eating. My boobs were sore, my stomach was uncomfortable and I was fighting a headache without the help of any pain meds. It was not a good moment for me. And after being tough all day and pushing through, I stood there in our bedroom, naked, and I started making those pre-crying whimpering sounds.

Dean came in and asked what was wrong and I told him. He held me close, giving me a huge hug and simply said, “I know this sucks right now, and it’s going to be shitty for a while. But you’re not alone, we’re doing this together.”

And suddenly I remembered that we had planned this together, that we are an unbeatable team and could get through anything. Of course I then had to fight him off from trying to manhandle my nipples (he takes his “training for breast feeding” job incredibly seriously), but I felt so much better just knowing that I won’t have to do any of this alone, no matter how it feels some days. I have an incredible husband to help me, as well as wonderful friends and family who really are full of the best intentions and some really great advice, even if it doesn’t always seem that way.

8 Comments Pregnancy

Advice Pregnancy Support

Is this all worth it? A first time pregnant fear

August 6, 2015 Zoe

I am growing a human. As I type this, there is a tiny creature inside me, leeching off of my energy, my nutrients, my wellbeing. No, I haven’t felt miserable throughout my pregnancy; for the most part I’ve been able to carry on doing things that I enjoy, except for eating dinner. But I do occasionally suffer from crazy mood swings, and when my awful but normal migraines come, I’m not allowed to take my awesome narcotic painkillers to make them go away. It’s tough but not horrible and I’m getting through. I just have this niggling worry.

Is this all worthwhile? People say parenthood is like nothing else you can experience in life, that motherhood is amazing and that the love I will feel for the little thing growing inside me simply doesn’t compare to any other kind of love. I’ve felt it in small moments – seeing the little legs kicking on the ultrasound, or that moment when I realized that one day a little human is going to call me mommy. But then those moments pass and I just feel gassy and queasy and not quite myself.

I keep telling myself that it will all be worthwhile, that the love I will feel when little Harley or Mason is born will make me forget all about this time. But then I realize that the first few months also might not be much fun when he/she is just crying and pooing the whole time. Oh, and sucking on my boob. I will be sleep deprived and need to find the ideal position for breast feeding while still gaming. It’s going to be tough and I then start to wonder why I signed up for this.

But then I remember all the fun things I want to do with this tiny life that’s growing inside me. I can’t wait to give the little baby a bath and play with those itty bitty feet. I can’t wait to read him or her all my favorite bedtime stories, and a chapter each night of the Odyssey or other classic mythology. I am so excited to watch this little person who is part me and part Dean grow up into a real person – someone who will tell me I’m an idiot for not liking The Hobbit, or crazy for loving Doctor Who the way that I do. Someone who will be excited for the new game release, who I can buy little geeky dolls for over the holidays. I am so excited to have such fun experiences with the tiny life growing inside me, and I have to keep reminding myself that it’s going to be a fun adventure. Sure, there might be exhaustion and discomfort in my future, but that’s not the only thing. There will be new life and a tiny person who will be a part of this world only because Dean and I loved each other and wanted to take this step.

Geez, I just hope this isn’t a giant conspiracy from all the procreators out there. I hope the good outweighs the bad, because at the moment, I’m only have the icky experiences and I could really use some incredible ones.

3 Comments Pregnancy, Rambling

Conspiracy?Fear New mom

Popping my Zomato meet up cherry on a preggy belly

August 5, 2015 Zoe

I have been quite lucky thus far. I have somehow managed to survive my pregnancy without any morning sickness. However, I do suffer from some degree of evening sickness. No, I’m not hugging the toilet or anything, but you simply couldn’t pay me to eat once the sun goes down. There have been a few nights when I managed, but I’m usually unable to eat. Unless, that is, it’s a food I’m absolutely craving. Luckily, my first Zomato meet up matched those cravings. Mostly.

First, I must explain. I absolutely adore Zomato. I installed it way before I ever used it to write reviews. It was my on-the-go way of finding a place to eat or drink. When out in an unfamiliar city (or even just a new shopping center), I could find my nearest breakfast place, or ideal locale for sushi. Then I started using the app to write reviews, take pictures of my food and I was hooked.

Zomato likes to reward the people who make their app worthwhile, those people who do tons of reviews and interact on the platform to help map out cities and show the possibilities of what to eat. They organize foodie meet ups as a thank you to the community, as well as a fun way for their foodies to meet up with each other and eat some tasty food. I did exactly that last night at Simply Asia in Benmore Gardens.

To be honest, I wasn’t expecting much. Simply Asia is nice and all, but I always thought that it was just a bit of a trashy takeaway. Instead, we had some incredible treats. From spring rolls to a sushi workshop and even chocolate spring rolls for dessert. I was very happy to eat those.

Of course, the little Krogan had to object to some things, like all the mains. But that’s okay, I was still so full from all the spring rolls, sushi and dessert that I was feeling full when I woke up this morning. Besides, at least I got to take part in the social side of things too, meeting fellow foodies with a range of other interests, as well as the actual Zomato crew who are responsible for making the app which I use all the time. Plus, it was nice to go out to eat without feeling awkward about taking pictures of my food.

If you aren’t already using Zomato, I highly recommend it. It’s a great way of finding some hidden gems in your neighborhood, as well as helping others find out about your favorite local eatery. And if you do it enough, you might get to join for the next meet up and sample even more delicious morsels.

Comment App, Food, Pregnancy

Cravings Foodie Pregnancy