Tag Archives: Parenting

The things we’re not supposed to say

September 30, 2015 Zoe

I’m lucky enough to have grown up with a mom for a writer. I remember many years ago, talking to her about writer’s block and the horror of staring at a blank page/screen. How can it be that someone so creative, smart and/or interesting could be without any words? Her belief at the time was that it wasn’t that the person didn’t know what to say, but that they weren’t giving themselves permission to write what they were really thinking.

I don’t believe in censorship, although we all censor what we might choose to say on a regular basis. We do this to be diplomatic or tactful, to fit into societal norms, to keep people around us happy or a myriad other reasons. It’s normal and accepted and even encouraged. We’re supposed to be aware of our words and actions and the impact that they might have on others. This week has been filled with biting my tongue and not saying the things I’m thinking because I’m not supposed to say them. I suppose that’s why it’s been so hard to write this post today – I spent longer than I care to admit staring at the screen before I could get myself to start writing these words. So here are just a couple things I probably shouldn’t say. Continue Reading

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7 Comments Pregnancy

On raising a girl strong enough to be called a dumb woman

September 28, 2015 Zoe

It was a bit of a difficult weekend for me. I had fun and it wasn’t something on my mind the whole time, but there was some drama at work. The joy of my work being on the internet is that the whole world can see it. Over on lazygamer.net, I wrote a review of NBA 2K16. It’s a really great game when you get to experience the cool basketball action, but it’s also primarily locked behind online servers, so if the severs are down, the gameplay experience is seriously less than optimal. I wrote about the good and the bad in my review, the way I have for countless games, but the response I got was filled with quite a lot of vitriol. I’m used to this, and have come to expect it, but it affected me in a new way this time.

I often joke with the guys at work about being the only woman, about how my opinions are automatically seen as less valid because I have a vagina. The reality is that when people agree with me, they generally don’t even notice my gender. When they disagree, the easiest thing to do is blame the fact that I’m just an idiot woman who shouldn’t be writing game reviews. We laugh at the comments like that, and often joke about feeding off the hate. But now I’m bringing a little girl into the world, and even if she is the smartest person alive, she will be criticized for what she thinks because she’s a woman. Continue Reading

6 Comments Gaming, Parenting

Bullying Feminism Gaming

Who needs heritage anyway, right?

September 25, 2015 Zoe

Yesterday was heritage day in South Africa. It’s basically used an excuse to braai (grill/BBQ) because that’s the only thing that everyone in South Africa seems to share as common heritage. Some people embrace their individual heritages, with Afrkaans people delighting in an excuse to eat Melktart or English people… um, colonizing all the room in the shopping centers? I’m not 100% sure, but basically it’s one of those public holidays here that everyone happily takes advantage of as an excuse to make fire, hang out with friends/family and generally enjoy a day off.

People have been asking me and Dean about how we will raise Harley, though. I mean, she’ll grow up here in South Africa, so she’ll probably have a South African accent with the exception of the odd words that she only really hears from me. But heritage is about more than an accent, it’s about knowing where you come from. Of course, with international parents, that’s a bit more complicated. Continue Reading

2 Comments Parenting

Do I still have a culture?Do I still have heritage?Expat

Basketball and other forgotten skills

September 22, 2015 Zoe

As part of my day job over on Lazygamer.net, I’m currently reviewing NBA 2K16. Most of the guys in the Lazygamer crew have been laughing at me about it – in general I’m so totally oblivious about sports that I’m not allowed to touch sporting games with a ten-foot pole. However, I was actually quite amped to get my hands on this one, and it turns out that I’m the most qualified person to do so.

Back when I lived in New York, I was actually on my school basketball team. I played through all of junior high and even after I stopped playing the game, I continued supporting the New York Knicks. For those who know basketball, they’ll know that’s a pretty masochistic team to support, but that’s okay – I still love them and there is nothing that can compare with the energy in Madison Square Garden during a Knicks game. Playing NBA 2K16 has reminded me of just how much I enjoyed following basketball. While it’s not really feasible from here in South Africa, it’s still the sport I like to spectate the most. The last time I was really able to follow it was when I was around 14 or 15, before I moved to Holland; that’s about half my lifetime ago. But I still know all about the game, even if the player names are new to me, and it’s made me think about those skills we forget we even have. Continue Reading

2 Comments Parenting

Basketball Exposure Generalist

Arts and culture when raising a kid

September 18, 2015 Zoe

Looking back, I realize just how spoiled for choice I was as a kid. I grew up in New York City, which “just” felt like my hometown. It was a wonderful place to grow up, particularly from an arts and culture perspective. I remember going to tons of galleries, museums, theater performances and concerts. It was so normal to spend an afternoon at the Met (Metropolitan Museum of Art) or even to pop into one of the ridiculously expensive boutiques to just look at the latest fashions and see what designs, palettes and imagery were interesting at the time.

It’s important to me that Harley also grows up with an understanding of art and culture. I want her to learn to play an instrument, even if she abandons it before puberty. I want her to go see plays, musicals and other performances, even if she decides that she prefers YouTube videos. Much like reading, it’s an important window into worlds we wouldn’t access otherwise, and key to unlocking parts of our imagination. Continue Reading

5 Comments Parenting

Art Braamfontein Burn the Floor