Browsing Category: South Africa

How this mommy and baby class saved me and Harley

Toptots

With Harley now seven months old, I have enough distance from those early weeks and months to look back with some perspective. I’ve written about how traumatic her birth experience was, but even then I didn’t realize how traumatic it was and how hard it was going to make things with her. I was sick, she was so very premature, and we had quite a road ahead of us. I struggled to bond with her, I felt like everything was just so hard, and I was even resenting her. It was NOT good.

Luckily, while still pregnant, I had already decided that I wanted to try and find a nice mommy and baby class to attend once she was born. There are so many out there, so I wasn’t quite sure which one I’d go for. But I chatted to Geoff, my editor at Lazygamer, and his wife used to own a TOPTOTS franchise, so I decided to give them a whirl. It turns out, that was one of the best decisions I’ve made in the first six months of Harley’s life. Continue Reading

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4 Comments Child Development, Parenting, South Africa, Sponsored

My baby is still being rejected by her country of birth

South African Home Affairs

When I got pregnant, one of the last things I was worrying about was the admin involved in Harley’s birth. I mean, babies are born all the time and they get birth certificates – it’s not even a question, right? Well, Harley is now seven months old and she still doesn’t have an ID, a birth certificate, or even a proof of baby registration, and it’s all because I’m foreign.

Yup, it’s my fault that Harley is in limbo, all because I dared fall in love with a South African while being from overseas. While I was pregnant, my residency permit was up for renewal. As usual, I contacted my immigration dude from Execuserve. I’d previously had issues trying to sort out Home Affairs things myself, so I used Andrew and typically didn’t have any issues. Anyway, Andrew submitted my application, just waiting on the police clearance and all would continue to tick over as normal. Except Harley needed to come early. Continue Reading

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12 Comments South Africa

Promiscuous feminists, rape culture, bathrooms and mothering a daughter

stanford rape case

I tried to write this post yesterday and failed miserably. Maybe it’s because I felt like there was a lack of focus to my post, or maybe because there were so many things I wanted to write about. It felt like a jumbled mess and I wasn’t sure how to share it. But then I realized that just because my thoughts are a jumbled mess doesn’t mean I shouldn’t share them. So, here’s what I’m thinking about at the moment, mostly inspired by the whole Stanford rape case situation.

It starts with location. I remember when I was getting ready to move to South Africa, I was very aware that Joburg was the rape capital of the world – not exactly an accolade for the city. I was worried that I would become a victim, that South Africa would feel more dangerous than any other place I’ve ever lived. Luckily, I still live a very safe life, but I am aware of the risks in this country. Then again, I’m no more aware here than I was growing up in New York City, or living in LA or any other city. It’s an awareness and vigilance that women worldwide need to have. Continue Reading

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8 Comments Parenting, Rambling, South Africa

The search for diverse friends

There are so many things that I want to teach Harley, but I know not all of it can come from the words I speak to her or the actions she mimics. Some of it has to be experienced. One of those things that I think is really important for her to learn is that there’s no reason to discriminate against anyone based on their race, religion or sexual orientation. Awesome people and assholes can belong to any grouping – there are simply a range of people out there and you have to get to know them before you can make any conclusions about them; it can’t be done based on stereotypes.

Over the years, I’ve lived in many different countries and had friends from a variety of backgrounds. As a kid, I honestly didn’t even see race, with it needing to be pointed out to me years later that my first crush was on a dark skinned boy, or that I was raised with a different religion to my classmates. I’d like for Harley to also experience that diversity, and my plan to send her to international schools will definitely help with that. However, I also need to make some more diverse friends for our kids to play together before then… but it’s kind of an awkward task. Continue Reading

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2 Comments Parenting, South Africa

A day of reconciliation about my staggered entry into motherhood

Today, South Africa marks its Day of Reconciliation. It’s all about reconciling differences and working towards national unity. However, for me, I’ve been more consumed with trying to reconcile different aspects of myself, of what I’ve gone through, and of what this all means for the future. I knew that parenthood would mean that nothing goes according to plan, but it feels like something more than that at the moment.

Thus far, being a good mother has meant different things than I thought it would. At this point, I should still be pregnant, with being a good mom pretty much meaning that I would be taking care of myself, maybe playing music for Harley or talking to her, and getting all my things in order to prepare for her arrival – stuff like buying a cot and a car seat and all the rest. Instead, she is already out of my body but not in my home, and my role as her mother is a bit different than I’d planned. Continue Reading

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5 Comments Parenting, Premie, South Africa